The beating of a tender heart

This morning i am aware of the beating of my tender heart. I am home from my early morning workout on a day off and am so grateful that even when I do not have to go to work, I choose to get up and be intentional. Some of it is motivated by my commitment to live this year, in honor of my brother Len’s life. He died 5 years ago tomorrow at age 48 and I am now 48. I want to live with intention and purpose. Some of that is what motivates me to get up at 4 am this morning. While I worked out i could feel the beating of my tender heart.

Last night and this morning I drove past accident scenes that looked bad. The amount of strobe lights in the darkness felt jarring to my tender heart. I can’t help but wonder what the scene was like at Len’s accident and yet, i am grateful that I do not have a picture of that memory. With his accident happening out of state, none of us were at the scene. And as Iearned that there had been fatalities in both of these local accidents last night and this morning, I was grateful for the five years of time which has allowed our hearts to go from broken to tender. I am aware that my senses feel hyper aware of those people, the ones i do not even know, who were alerted to a loss of a loved one, as they were anticipating such joy during the coming days and just like that, it has turned to incomprehensible grief.

And so as we gather tonight for our memory dinner. It is not a time of rehashing grief, but a time of being together and laughing and remembering, sorrowing and celebrating, During the week following Len’s death, between the 23rd of December and New Years Eve day, the day of the funeral, we had time to sort through Len’s files and papers and we found this in his funeral file: The funeral of an “old man”is not a time for sorrow. Instead rejoice in the varied color of my life and in the tremendous variety and texture of my family. Tonight we will do that, we will choose to rejoice in the brilliant colors of his life and the beautiful color and rich textures of his family. My heart is tender!

And so, in our faith we are aware that God’s protection and provision are assured, even when it is in ways we may never fully understand or embrace. This weekend, for everyone who is aware of their tender heart, I want to send you some extra love, grace and peace. Be kind to yourself and to each other and share and receive an abundance of goodness, kindness comfort and love!