It is tax season again…

Every year about this time I am the lucky aunt who gets to spend extra time with Peter (age 9), Isaiah (age 6) and Johanna (age 3 3/4) as their parents assist many people with their tax returns….

Today we ran a lot of errands and conversation was abundant…..

There was one very fun conversation where Isaiah declared he wished he could drive…..

Johanna proceed to tell him she was sure he could…

When the light is green go and when it is red stop….

When you want to turn the corner turn the steering wheel (which is the round thing Aunt Trish is holding) and when you want to go straight, don’t turn it….

“And Isaiah” Johanna said in her cheerful and confident voice, “we just need to get taller so we can touch the pedals, then we can drive….”

I love how Johanna thinks without limitations…

As I listened to her I began to wonder when we change from believing we can do anything to thinking through the many reasons why we can’t succeed…

I know it is not reasonable for a three and six-year-old to drive, but I love listening to two kids discuss that the only reason they can’t is because they are too short!

I wonder what you and I might do if we believed we could…

I invite you to start taking actions towards that goal and living life confidently…..

A number of months back I shared about the gathering of a small group of women meeting to discuss the book

7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess

Each month we focus in on a fast of some sort.  We meet to discuss what the fast might look like in each of our lives and there is great freedom to customize in any fashion that speaks our personal journeys….

We had a month where we ate just seven foods….

We had a month where we wore seven pieces of clothing….

We had a month where we focused on simplifying our excess of possessions….

This month we are focusing on our excess of media….

My sisters post offered me inspiration to make a plan….

“I just wanted to post what I’m doing for media month because the last two days have been two of the best days that I have had with my kids in so, so long. I love this life. How have been missing this?! So…my plan: no FB and no Pinterest. I am only checking/responding to emails twice a day (except when I’m at the office). No radio. No screens for my kids (except for the early morning hours if they have time before school). Instead, I put 20 “activities” in a jar that have ideas of things they can do or some places we could go together. Each day after school they can pick one and we do it all together. This may get old, but two days in – I’m in heaven. Go away media. I love life without you.”  suzi

And so I begin to think about what does a media fast look like for me. I am in front of a computer all day and my job requires some things I can not give up. But I do realize I have habits I would like to begin to change…

During my media fast month I will always ensure my phone is in the back seat while I drive. I am easily distracted by alerts and notifications. I can answer my phone through a hands free option in my car if I must make or take a call, but email, Face Book  and texting are off-limits in the car.

I find that often I reach for my computer first thing in the morning and it is often the last thing I close up at night. I am committing to not being on the computer before I get to work. I am looking forward to getting up and ready without time getting away from me and putting on music to set my tone for the day….

I am returning to the idea that my bedroom is for sleeping. I do enjoy taking my computer to bed and watching the news, blogging and eventually drifting off to sleep. Since Len died, I am having more trouble sleeping. I plan to utilize my comfortable home and watch TV or blog in the other spaces in my home and keep my bedroom for sleeping…

I often am aware that my phone is never more than an arm’s length away. My phone travels with me from room to room, bathroom included. I am  including in my media fast that my phone will be left at the entry (of my home or the home I am in) or in my  pocket or purse and my full attention will be given to the people I am with.

I would like to create space in my mind and heart during this media fast…

I would like to discern God’s voice more clearly when I am not distracted by dings and alerts and media…

I would like to rediscover the sound of silence as I turn things down and turn things off….

I would like to be changed by the process of fasting and desire to be hungry for things that matter….

I invite you to join me…..

Tonight I watched a video that felt like pure joy….

I get to work with this little guy four days a week….

But it seems in the past few weeks he has become a different kid….

He is learning to interact and communicate and I must say there is really nothing sweeter…

He now goes a whole day with no crying and takes good naps and squeals with delight….

Andrew has been a part of our lives for almost a year….

I am so thankful his Mom liked the idea of bringing their little guy to work…

I think God knew that for such a time as this, Andrew’s simple smile, his squeals of delight, his innocence, his snuggles and his presence were going to be just what I needed…

 

The words of my heart are stuck somewhere and the feeling of loss is big today….

I can’t find the words to express what I am feeling….

It is the daunting reality that our family will gather for Christmas soon and Len won’t be with us, that each day I carry this loss with me, that somehow this is our new normal and it doesn’t feel normal….

I so admire the honest expression of my 16-year-old niece and my heart breaks as she shares her overwhelming grief as she envisions life without her Dad…

I knew full well on December 23 that Len died and we wouldn’t see him again….

I am now trying to grasp that reality in my heart…..

I know he is in heaven and yes I will see him again, but that doesn’t help my ache to hear his laugh or quick call him….

I am learning that grief comes in waves and recedes…

I know today was just a tidal wave kind of day…

I trust tomorrow will be different in some way….

As I was listening to music tonight I heard these words in a song by The Newsboys…

You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night
But joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don’t have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

I long for the morning….

Sunday nights are not my favorite….

I seem to be very aware of the clock from 830 pm on…

9 pm on that Sunday night six weeks ago, my life was changed by the death of my brother…

But tonight I am focusing on the celebration of life….

I don’t think it is an accident that in this new year, already two of my nieces have had birthdays on Sundays….

Today my niece Anneliese turns 17….

She is a girl of few words but amazing presence, incredible grace and stunning beauty….

Anne has always been clear in her thinking and determined in her ways…

Anne was born in quick succession of her two older siblings…..

And we often wondered if she would get lost in the shuffle….

It is great to report, that as she has grown and found her place in her world….

Anne has her feet on solid ground, her faith is deeply rooted and her heart is kind….

Anne is deeply loved by family and friends….and I consider myself very blessed to be her aunt…

Anne, I will pray that this year you will marvel at God’s goodness in your life, and celebrate what each day brings, I hope you will be true to yourself and your full range of your emotions and delight in all the ways you are amazingly gifted and beautiful!

I am in my kitchen looking at the window to my backyard this morning. I am struck by the beauty of the snow lazily falling onto the growing piles of accumulated snow.

I have my candle lit in the house, my dog sleeping at my feet, the heater warming up my space, Peter is watching cartoons upstairs and I have all my Visiting Angels shifts filled for the moment…..

I am choosing to savor this moment for there is a mystery in how the rest of the day will unfold. We live with that mystery all the time, but ever since a car accident took the life of my brother, the mystery feels big, heavier in a way….

And yet in this moment, I am faced with a decision of where to let my heart wander….

Do I reflect on my sorrow or my gratitude….

Do I reflect on my needs or my provisions….

Do I reflect on my goals and dreams or on my story which is filled with God’s presence…..

I am going to choose to stay in this moment of beauty….

I am going to choose to enjoy this moment before the phone rings again, the shoveling begins, the gym calls my name, the sorrow creeps in, the laughter and the tears collide….

Of watching the snow fall lazily in my back yard…..

Of trusting that life in this winter wonderland is not perfect or pain-free but it has a beauty that runs deep and a peace that passes all understanding…