And it is hard to know what I feel….
We will be gathering as a family this coming weekend to celebrate Christmas together….
And yet as I write the above, it doesn’t feel right….
We will be gathering as a family but it won’t feel right….we will miss Len and our celebration will be dampened with our sorrow….
We will attempt to celebrate, but it feels different. It is hard to celebrate right now, but we will gather, and we will laugh, and we will cry, and we will enjoy being together….
We will do gifts and clues and poems….
We will honor our traditions….
It feels like odd and mysterious space, filled with deep valleys and a few hills that may allow us to stand above the deep ache for a short time…
I think we all agree how good it is to be together….
I think we all understand the feelings that are hard to put to words…
I think we all know that at any given time someone may be laughing, someone quiet and someone may be in tears…
I think the grief journey is hard and unpredictable, but it also has united our hearts in ways I never expected….
This weekend will be Christmas for my family….it will be incredibly difficult and amazingly wonderful….