Month: March 2011

This morning I woke up to the news of the tragedy in Japan. At that time they said the death toll was about 60. I scoffed at that number, for it felt evident that in light of the events that were being televised, that the tolls would likely climb throughout the day. As the day winds down, it appears it may now be as high as 1000 and I would guess it may continue to climb. I can’t imagine how quickly life changed today for many. Either in loss of life or loss of home or loss of security, the process of healing and recovery will likely be very slow.

It is hard to wrap my thoughts and emotions around the tragedy that occurred today via natural disaster.

I am reminded of a quote by Henry Nouwen which I have often read when I am feeling the tensions of  life.

“So I am praying while not knowing how to pray. I am resting while feeling restless, at peace while tempted, safe while still anxious, surrounded by a cloud of light while still in darkness,in love while still doubting.”    ~Henri Nouwen

And I end with this…For those whose lives have been changed forever today, Lord hear our prayer.

Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and the wrong.

Sometime in your life you will have been all of these.

~Dr. Robert H. Goddard

I believe this is one of those quotes we should all keep in a spot we can reread it often. If only we can be people who are tender, compassionate, sympathetic and tolerant. I am struck by the power in these words.

And then to think about the young, the aged, the striving and the weak and wrong. It is true, I am often one of those…

Perhaps this quote reminds me of the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I believe if I truly take this to heart, I will live more compassionately each day. Won’t you join me in giving it a try?

I have been doing some reading about Lent. I find myself in this space often on the day before and I would like to commit to studying a bit earlier next year….

But it is what it is and I am curious and interested again in the true meaning and purpose of Lent.

The purpose of Lent is to be a season of fasting, self-denial, Christian growth, penitence, conversion, and simplicity. Lent, which comes from the Teutonic (Germanic) word for springtime, can be viewed as a spiritual spring cleaning: a time for taking spiritual inventory and then cleaning out those things which hinder our corporate and personal relationships with Jesus Christ and our service to him. Thus it is fitting that the season of Lent begin with a symbol of repentance: placing ashes mixed with oil on one’s head or forehead. However, we must remember that our Lenten disciplines are supposed to ultimately transform our entire person: body, soul, and spirit.

I am not sure how it will look for me to grow in this season of Lent. I am learning much about self-denial during my process of wellness. Some days go better than others in my willingness to sacrifice. I am learning about where I am willing and where I am resistant to believe deeply in God’s provision for me.

I find myself really exploring what confession and repentance looks like in my daily walk. I am becoming more and more aware of the invitation Christ offers me to confess and repent and live in freedom. I must say that at first I really liked the concept of repentance. Then I realized that before repentance comes awareness of my sin or sinful patterns, honesty in confession, feeling my sorrow, accepting and enjoying Grace and then living in changed behavior. I need to embrace that these steps are taken over and over again, as long as I have breath.

It is my hope that during this Lenten season I will rest in what I know to be true and not simply work harder to discover what the season of Lent “should” hold for me. I pray that during the next 40 days, I may understand at a deeper level how the journey of Jesus to the cross continues to impact me today. I pray this for myself and I pray this for each of you!

I am not fond of Mondays.

Sometimes it is a crazy mind battle to me because I realize my routine is very similar as every other day. I know and have lived through 41 years of Mondays, so it isn’t like I am surprised they come every week after Sunday and before Tuesday. It is a crazy thing to not like Mondays. I am going to work on challenging my mind up to think about Mondays in a positive light.

But today was a day I thought often about how I didn’t really like Mondays.

But then…

I saw a news clip about the Wes Leonard and was reminded of the many students today who were trying to adjust to the reality that their 16-year-old buddy is no longer present in their lives….

I am thankful for my health and the health of everyone in my family ~ from young to old….

I had a phone conversation with a friend who is struggling deeply. She called to put words to something for the very first time. With tears in my voice, I commended her for her courage.

I am thankful for my friends choice to trust me with her heart today….

I was discouraged that the scale hasn’t moved as much as I think it should have in the past week, but then I received word from a friend that encouraged my soul.

I am thankful for friends and family who don’t care how much I weigh, but want me to continue to be healthy.

I have much to be thankful for, every day of the week, even on Mondays! May I never forget to always remember to count my blessings!

what life would be like without my sisters….

I pray for them daily, I talk to them regularly and I always enjoy seeing them whenever we can work it out. They are very much a part of my day-to-day and I enjoy looking at our experiences shared in the past and what we dream of together in the future….

I am keenly aware of my love for them tonight, because tomorrow it will be 16 years ago that my Mom and Aunt Dot said good-bye to their sister, my Aunt Sim, who was in her early 50’s. Aunt Sim lived in Denver, so our visits were sporadic, but my memories of her are sweet. I think of her kindness and the tenderness in her voice and eyes. I remember her as an advocate for many as she was passionate about her role as a Social Worker. I love how her and my Uncle traveled the world to embrace their daughter and bring home my cousin from Costa Rica who I still find delightful today!

I don’t think that I understood love and loss 16 years ago like I do today. I felt sorrow for them in their loss, but I did not stop to consider the lasting ache that would continue every day there after. As I have grown in my relationships with my sisters, I now understand more fully the presence and therefore the absence of a sister. Today, as I think about my Mom, Aunt Dot, Aunt Anita, Aunt Trina, Aunt Wilma, Aunt Henny, Aunt Jaltina, Aunt Follie, Uncle John, Uncle Myles and Uncle Pete, I am sorry still, sixteen years later, for the loss of someone they loved dearly.

This week our friend Yolanda lost her sister to cancer. My heart aches for her and my prayers will be for her daily. I can’t quite imagine…

I love you Arlene and Suzi…know that I am thankful for you every day!

I had the opportunity today to spend the day at my nephew’s wrestling tournament. Andrew and Ryan wrestle November thru June and play football July thru November. Today was a new experience for me and I learned a little about wrestling but was amazed at the life lessons I saw unfold before my eyes today.

I learned that in wrestling…

there is always a winner and a loser….

time and time and time again I realized that there is really no one else to give credit to for the win or the loss when it is just you and your opponent on the mat. It is clear that in the next 1.5 to 7 minutes, either you will win or lose….

there is often loud celebration….

this crowd (I would guess in many wrestling crowds) is intense. They celebrate big and cheer loud when it is one of their own whose arm is raised to “announce” the winner to the crowd.

there is often many tears shed…

I watched scrappy small lads and big husky growing-up boys dissolve to tears. Some of these scenes included expressions of anger and a few choice words and some were met at the edge of the mat by a parent or a coach and embraced in a hug. Either way learning how to  handle deep disappointment was evident.

there is an invitation and expectation to good sportsmanship…

from the beginning handshake to the closing handshake before the winner is “announced” to the crowd, to the shaking hands of your opponents coaches, this sport calls for you to stay engaged with your world. This sport ensures no storming off in anger or hiding in shame, or allowing arrogance to take over. I witnessed referee’s and coaches calling kids back to the mat if their emotions took over and these important exchanges were missed.

there is a community in wrestling

that is admirable and fosters good friendships in people of all ages. I had a great talk with Andrew today (who is out due to injury) about how he has been able to step up and mentor the younger wrestlers while his knee heals. I see parents who have been at the tournament all day choose to stay a little longer to support a teammate. I hear of gatherings with families that occur outside of the required events. Perhaps most touching,  I watched hugs, tears, shouts of support and encouragement and listened to parents reflect with one another, not just about this season, but about years past and the hopes they have for the years to come. This community is one that sticks together!

I am sure there are many other good things that come from committing yourself to wrestling but this is just a reflection on a bit of what I was impacted by today. I admire Andrew and Ryan even more now as I see what they commit themselves to in every practice and every meet. I appreciate Nick and Jonna and all they sacrifice to make this possible for their sons. I respect the coaches and the people who comprise the community in Oak Park and in other similar cities.

I love it when I think I am going to a day of something ordinary and learn about the extra ordinary!

Since I have been waking up at 445 am to work out, I thought it would be appropriate to wake up to taps. I have learned that this wake up alarm really does awaken me with my feet ready to hit the ground. Last night, after leading Grace Groups and feeling reflective at bedtime, I changed my wake up option to Sara Groves Add to the Beauty music.

So this morning I woke up to the song Taking Our Church to the Moon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyWS6ZxCbEE

I have to admit, this song always makes me smile. I often think it is likely good that taking our church to the moon is not an option. The image of taking our church to the moon implies to me that if we just remove the Church from the troubles of the world, we will live a “simple life” together.

It is my hope that I as a member of The Church, and we as the community of The Church, are willing to stay engaged in the real issues of the world. It is my hope that we are willing to be curious about when and why at times we feel judgement before embrace. I hope we will be curious about when we feel the freedom to condemn, and may we always remember God’s incredible gift of Grace offered to each of us.

Give it a listen and see if it doesn’t bring a smile to your face as well!

TO THE MOON
© 2005 Sara Groves Music

It was there in the bulletin
We’re leaving soon
After the bake sale to raise funds for fuel
The rocket is ready and we’re going to
Take our church to the moon

There’ll be no one there to tell us we’re odd
No one to change our opinions of God
Just lots of rocks and this dusty sod
Here at our church on the moon

We know our liberties we know our rights
We know how to fight a very good fight
Just get that last bag there and turn out the light
We’re taking our church to the moon
We’re taking our church to the moon
We’ll be leaving soon

I was at the Kroc Center today working out with my Mom. We were on neighboring treadmills and enjoying a conversation. Even as I recall it now, I can’t remember anything significant about the conversation. It was just our daily routine of exercise, sharing a chat to help time pass as we did intervals of walking and running.

There was a lady next to my Mom who kept glancing my way. I did not think much of it until she removed her earphone and appeared as if she wanted to offer something to our conversation.

I paused….

She said, “would you mind keeping your voice down?” and with that she put her earphone into her ear and looked straight ahead.

I have to say my initial responses were not so kind. I looked at my mom and said, (in maybe even a louder voice) “honestly, if were in Church it would be one thing, but we are at the gym. ” And then I added, “Mom, maybe you can show her how to turn her volume up on her show?” We conversed and smirked through the rest of our treadmill time and then headed over to the stair master.

As I was climbing the 720 step program I said to my Mom, “maybe she has a sensory disorder?” Then I glanced over and she was speaking with someone. I then began to conclude maybe it was a role play and her therapist was helping her to ask for what she needed. We laughed and I said it was evident these are my Social Worker thoughts.  I was struck by my attempts to still make sense of this situation in my mind.

In the end, I realized that to give it any more brain space was a waste of time and energy, so I landed with a very simple reality. I have my father’s voice!

I am often told that I have my father’s voice as I project out to a room or audience and really don’t have a need for a microphone. I have my father’s voice and that is nothing I need to apologize for!

But honestly, I hope I don’t work out next to her at they gym again!

At 10 am I left Grand Rapids to pick up Anneliese in Muskegon….

At 11 am I left Muskegon and drove  back to Grand Rapids….

At 115 pm I drove 2.5  hours to Detroit for Olivia’s four pm basketball game…

At 515 pm I left Detroit and drove 2.5 hours back to Grand Rapids….

At 830 pm I left Grand Rapids to meet Janneke in Coopersville to get Anneliese back to Muskegon…

Totals for the day: 7 hours and 40 minutes of driving for a one hour basketball game

And perhaps you wonder why….

It is the type of thing that in my head, my logical thinking, I would wonder why I might do that as well. It is in my logical thinking that it feels a bit nutty….

But in my heart, I know the number one reason why I did it…because of these two girls who love to see one another and who delight in any chance they get to be together…

I want to be an Aunt who encourages the friendships of cousins….I will do whatever I can…and in the meantime I enjoyed a day with Anneliese and my Mom and enjoyed an hour with my brother Len and my sister-in-law Marcia and loved watching Livi play basketball! So, although it is great to be home at last….it was a day well spent!