I will never forget the morning of my brother’s funeral. Many of us were staying in a holiday inn, His accident was the 23rd of December and he was buried on New Years Eve day. I was horrified to learn that the coroner had gone home for Christmas so Len’s body was not released until a few days after Christmas. All to say we had a week where we spent our days together as a family and our nights at the Holiday Inn.
The morning of the funeral, like any good receptionist, she greeted us with good morning, as we walked by the reception desk. I remember how my body felt and unlike me, I walked by without saying anything.
I believe it was the third time in the hour when I was greeted that way by different staff, I approached the desk and a said, “ we are burying my brother today. There is nothing good about this morning. Can you please stop saying good morning to us.“
I think about this often, especially at times of good cheer, like when we say Merry Christmas. It is so difficult to know someone’s story. Life is not complicated only by death, but by so many other things as well. For some Christmas just may not be merry this year. For some Christmas may be hard every year.
I have given this a lot of thought over the last 11 years. You may have read in my previous blog, that over 11 years, we have tender hearts, but not broken hearts. We have found Joy again and on the anniversary of Len’s death or in the week surrounding the memories., I can offer or receive a good morning! But I have learned to be sensitive and/or curious with those I engage.
I use phrases such as:
Peace to you this Christmas or simply removing the good from morning. Morning can be said with compassion as your eyes meet.
May your new year hold hope and peace works as well. If you know someone is struggling, name the struggle and do not be afraid to name the pain. Name the person or people and do not be afraid to provoke emotion, for that shows that you have made a heartfelt connection!
I have been thinking about you this holiday season as you enter in with so many unknowns of what the year will bring. Or I just want you to know I understand it may be hard to celebrate when your world has been shattered by loss./diagnosis/absence of a loved one.
Just remember that compassion and kindness is needed everyday. Christmas may not be merry and mornings may not be good. New Years may not feel happy and the days in between may carry their own struggles and hardship. Let’s be people who enter in with honesty and goodness, bringing hope to all we cross paths with every day!
Journeying with you,
Trish
