Month: December 2015

Sometimes I think anticipation is the best. It can be the weeks, days or hours that lead up to something I am eager for, longing for or just plain giddy about. It is often said in my family that we would rather look forward to an event than be surprised, simply because there is something so sweet in the anticipation.

And then there is dreaded anticipation. The kind of anticipation that has been looming for me in the last week or so. The kind of anticipation that comes with knowing that December 23 comes every year. A date that changed our lives three short years ago. The day my oldest brother was killed in a car accident.

And yet tomorrow is no different of a day than yesterday or the day before. It is not a day that we relive the events of December 23, 2012. I don’t believe that is necessary or healthy. And yet I can not deny that it is a day that feels different.

It is a day where we remember Len in a special way in our own hearts. It is a day we gather as a family simply because it is good to be together on days like these It is a day where I wonder a bit more than any other day….what if?

And so I share this because it is what’s real in my heart.  I know Len is in a better place, that I will see hm again and I do not sorrow every day for the loss of my brother.  I will always miss him and I still think of things I should tell him but that is normal in loss. I ache somedays more than others  for his wife and 4 kids. As a family we are moving through new spaces of new relationships and evident signs that life continues to move on and we know, even if that stings, it is good and right. We can see Len in each of the kids in new and wonderful ways as they grow up and develop in their bodies, minds and hearts. There are so many spaces we can say to the kids, your Dad would be proud. Those are always sweet moments.

And so in some ways the three years seems like a long time. So much changes. Other days it feels like yesterday. There are those moments that seem frozen in time.

And so the anticipation for tomorrow is likely worse than the day itself.  It will be good to be together. It always is. It will be good to pause and remember. It will be good….

I miss you still Len…..

Until that time, I will always hold you close to my heart!

 

 

 

I wrote the following Facebook post on Sunday December 20….

As we move into this week, I am aware that Wednesday marks the 3rd anniversary of my brothers car accident and death. Comfort and Joy are very real in so many ways. Feeling the loss and the sorrow and aware of the life that surrounds me and the Joy that fills my heart. Today I am aware of comfort and joy.

This morning, we learned that one year old Grace from my church is in surgery receiving a lung transplant. We prayed this morning, full of Joy, for the chance of life for Grace and for we prayed for the deep comfort for the donors family who said good bye to their child.

I wonder where you are feeling comfort and joy this holiday season. I stand with you in this sometimes conflicting space, believing that my heart (and yours) can hold both the feelings of Comfort and Joy.

If your heart is grieving and finds it difficult to find Joy, I encourage you to find the small spaces where Joy may be trying to find it’s way in. If your world is full of Joy right now, I invite you consider how you can move tenderly and sensitively into the world of someone who is struggling.

I believe that the holidays are some of the most difficult wonderful days around. I believe in the power of community every day, but I hope and pray that during this holiday season, we will live generous in our actions, attitudes and spirit towards one another. Go and live true to all your heart holds my friends. Blessings to each and everyone!

For my birthday i received many wonderful greetings. I am so very thankful for the many people who i get to experience life with. As i have said before, i blog so in the next 20, 30 or 50 years there will be fun stories to read about life through the eyes and heart of Aunt Trish. 
So this post i am printing so i never lose track of this generous birthday greeting from my niece Olivia. I love her love for words. I smiled at each one and tears spilled from my eyes as my heart swelled. So thankful for this girl and the special relationship we share. 

  

I am sitting in row 32 with two empty seats next to me. I am watching a map which shows our real time location  I see we have 5 hours and 58 minutes till arrival. I am on wi fi and in awe of the amazing privelage i have to travel. 

 Well, i wanted to show you a picture of the map but high in the sky wifi has its limitations. After trying to load while i slept, we now are arriving in 511 miles.  

 Travel has been in my blood since i was a child. My parents both immigrated and learned at a young age that it is a big world. As we grew up we took road trips and I am grateful for the exposure and opportunity we had to leave home and explore. My brothers both served in the Navy and one settled in Scotland for a season. Traveling to visit people has been an important part of my life. 

In college i studied in the Netherlands for an Interim and during grad school I studied in Prague. I have participated in mission work in Czechoslovakia, Romania, Russia and China. And yet i still feel awe struck as i sit on this plane that will deliver me to London. Even more amazing is I am going to visit “the next ” generation who is also experiencing that the world is a big place and it can bring a deep richness to experience new places. 

I am aware how fortunate i am and i feel such gratitude to be able to experience this trip with my Mom to visit my nieces. I am aware how travel has changed, both in very progressive ways and in some frightening ways. I am aware that in the rows that surround are people of many cultures each with a story. I am aware that their is such excitement in leaving and always a yearning to return home. I am aware that whenever i fly since my brother died i wonder more about heaven. Travel awakens so much in my soul. I am aware of the stories of where i come from and where i am going. Perhaps it resonates deep within that on so many levels Life is a Journey. So regardless if you travel by planes, trains or automobiles, in your home town or a foreign land,  alone or in the company of others, travel well and enjoy the adventure. 

I am packing my bags for a quick whirlwind trip to Harpenden England. I have two nieces who are living out their adventure and seeking God by participating in Youth With a Mission. (YWAM).  My Mom and I thought it best to deliver a Christmas gift or two and share for a few days in all they are experiencing.

I am so excited to see Olivia and Anneliese. In light of technology, it is hard to believe sometimes that they are as far away as they are. But they feel the distance and this is one way we can communicate our love and support for both of them. They are brave and courageous. I am so proud of them.

The best way to find yourself,” Mahatma Gandhi said, “is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

Olivia and Anne have been learning for the last months in the classroom and soon will set out for an outreach trip. They will be flying to Greece and then sailing to Turkey. They will have many amazing moments  I am sure.

I pray that they will experience both the vastness of God’s power and love for others and a very personal sense of God’s love and passion for their amazing hearts. I pray that God will meet them in their excitement, comfort them in their sorrow, hold them when they ache for problems of the world and give them peace that passes all understanding as they grow in their world view,  their faith and their understanding of God, themselves and others.

I can’t wait to see them, to hug them, to ride the train, eat meals, laugh and talk and explore London with the four of us. I am grateful for how God has grown these nieces of mine in my heart and even more thankful that He holds them in his care.

See you at the train station very soon  Livi and Anne……