Month: May 2014

My Facebook post today read as follows…

Just one of those days where I would like to start over….grateful every morning is a new start. Ready for tomorrow morning!

I posted this about 2 pm. As I wrote it I realized I was going to choose to name what felt real for today and not keep hoping that at any moment the day would surprise me. 8 hours later it was just that kind of day. It wasn’t about not getting enough sleep, not getting enough exercise, not drinking enough water or about the weather. It just was a day where most things felt like a lot of work. It isn’t that I was especially crabby, although there were a few exchanges I wasn’t proud of. It isn’t that I didn’t smile or laugh, but the joy didn’t linger as long as other days. It was just one of those days!

And so as this day draws to a close, I am thankful.that tomorrow is a new day.

I am delighted that His mercies are new every morning!

And I am choosing to Let it go….

 

Tonight we had a Connections meeting. These meetings are a time for us to gather as Visiting Angels staff. We share honestly, laugh often, cry sometimes and marvel at the work God does through Visiting Angels of West Michigan.

It is not the obvious things that we talk about. It is the gray areas…

It is not the simple things we talk about, but the complexities…

It is not the things we are sure of that we discuss but the mysteries….

We talk about how we take what we are convicted of and committed to and carry that out in every home we enter…

Visiting Angels of West Michigan values people and understands that even in trusting a sovereign God, families can be complex, tomorrow can be uncertain and life can be confusing. At Visiting Angel’s we are commuted to walk along side every person (family) we serve and support them with compassionate care, honest conversation and an abundance of Grace”

And so tonight, I leave you with one of my favorites when it comes to entering someone else’s world. I invite you to consider the following about companioning and identify how you are doing and where you would like to try something new. What I love about the concept act of companioning is that I can commit to this in all of my relationships, those who are dearest to me and those I pass in the street…and everyone in between!

Companioning Is About…..Honoring the spirit ~

it is not about focusing on the intellect

Companioning Is About…..Curiosity ~

not about expertise

Companioning Is About…..Learning from others ~

it is not about teaching them

Companioning Is About…..Walking along side ~

it is not about leading

Companioning Is About…..Being still ~

it is not about frantic movement forward

Companioning Is About…..Discovering the gift of sacred silence ~

it is not about filling every painful moment with words

Companioning Is About…..Listening with the heart ~

it is not about analyzing with the head

Companioning Is About…..Bearing witness to the struggles of others ~

it is not about directing those struggles

Companioning Is About…..Being present to another person’s pain ~

it is not about taking away the pain

Companioning Is About…..Respecting disorder and confusion ~

it is not about imposing order and logic

Companioning Is About…..Going to the wilderness of the soul with another human being ~

it is not thinking you are responsible for finding the way out

 

Today is a day where I could write about 6 different blogs. Such a different space than last night when my mind felt empty.

I watched two Little League games and I was thinking about the joy of a boy.

And then I stopped at Matt and Janneke’s house and Dan and Arlene and Karolyn and Ellie were there helping with around the house improvements and I thought about writing about how it takes a village….

And tonight I hosted family dinner on the deck and it brings me such joy to host dinners on the deck and I thought about writing about simple joys…

Last night I had the privilege of taking care of my very dear friends newborn triplets. I was reminded as I sat in their home with my Aunt and we held and fed babies, about the gift of new life….

Tonight my cousin called and wanted to ensure I knew I was invited to her sons open house. It was a kind and sweet moment in my heart as I talked to her and I have thought more about the power of an invitation…

And then I am in awe today of how the body heals. In an odd mishap yesterday I stepped on my very hot curling iron. I feared that the coming days may be filled with sensitive skin and risk of infection. Today I have no pain and full blisters are protecting what could have been very tender and raw skin. It got me thinking about the amazing process of healing.…

And yet at the end of the day, I think of three powerful words that have penetrated my heart.

I woke up this morning after having my first dream about Len since he died December 23, 2012. Sometimes that date seems so long ago and other days it seems like yesterday. But in my dream, he and his oldest daughter surprised me by showing up at my house and invited me to ride along to go and surprise my parents. Just as we were heading out the door, I woke up. Len was happy and looked healthy. He and Olivia were playful and it is as if my dream was full of joy. I realized when I woke up that I miss him…

My 5-year-old niece heard me mention his name tonight in reference to where I got the edger in my garage. It was in passing and she stopped and said, Aunt Trish, I miss him.

My Mom and Aunt Dot and I were making plans for tomorrow. We are planning to visit the cemetery and bring a planter to his grave. At Fort Custer, we are permitted to bring flowers 10 days before Memorial Day and they must be picked up or will be disposed of on the day after Memorial Day. Len loved and resisted the structure of the military. I get that now. Sometimes I want to bring something to his grave and realize it just isn’t how it works at a military cemetery. And so, we will go tomorrow. And as my Mom got in her car, she looked back at Aunt Dot and I and said, I miss him!

And so, my day was full, my heart is full, my mind is full and I am grateful for so much. In the midst of all that, I can say, life is good and I miss him!

I know we are not the only people who miss someone. I hope you take time to share with others who you are missing. There is something comforting to knowing I do not miss him alone.

I was never going to have one….

We aren’t the tattoo type….

It seemed simple and quite clear….until it changed!

I remember when I first entertained the idea of a tattoo. I have a piece that hangs on my wall and I would often think as I walked by it each morning about how the combination of the cross and the heart was a beautiful invitation for me.

The cross reminds me  that God loved me so much that in his death I am free to love others with my whole being.

I began to envision this symbol more often as I journeyed through my days. I made an appointment to get my first tattoo. I have this symbol on the top of my right foot. It has been a comforting reminder to me of God’s love for me. It has been a gentle reminder to me of the love I can generously offer to others. It has been a great conversation piece and I must say that I really love my first tattoo.

I boldly said first and last early on. I never thought I would get another tattoo. One was enough and I loved the one I had…

until it changed….

December 23, 2012 my oldest brother was killed in a car accident. Len had teased me about being the first to get a tattoo. He always wanted one. We talked about what he would do and he wanted some kind of anchor. Len retired from the US Navy 5 years ago and I am sure the anchor had deep and multiple meaning for him. To me the anchor reminds me of my brother, a guy who lived big and was full of big dreams, vision and adventure. As I thought about a tattoo in memory of Len, I became a frequent visitor of Pintrest. I would often close my computer knowing that nothing hit my heart deep enough to be willing to mark my body with what I found.

And then my niece, Len’s oldest daughter drew me a picture and I was sold. Two weeks ago I placed this tattoo on the inside of my left leg just above my ankle. This tattoo has a story of a different kind. Many have asked why an anchor? I share with them of my brother, his years of service, his deep love for his family and his wild and crazy, fun-loving ways

I wonder what you think when you see someone with a tattoo. I would encourage you to ask “what is the story behind your tattoo?” I have found my curiosity  often leads to a story that speaks of someone’s struggle,celebration or memory. I have found that asking about their tattoo often leads to conversations I can not imagine having any other way.

I know that my two tattoo’s are connected deeply to my heart. I don’t plan to get anymore. I don’t plan for that to change. I do believe that Len would be proud that Olivia drew my tattoo. And I know he would be proud of the tattoo that his girl carries with her, also one very close to her heart. The picture below is her tattoo in Len’s handwriting and my tattoo.

 

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Recently I came across this quote….and it got me thinking….

I believe that I also used to look up to people who seemed to have answers…

I admired people who knew how to move into a situation and take charge…

I respected someone who knew how to maintain order and get a job done….

I am thankful that over the years, I have come to admire and respect very different attributes.

Over the years, I have experienced the power of kindness.

 

I am now willing to live in the tension of the unknown, recognizing that having answers and direction for others, really isn’t kind.

I remember moments where I have felt judged or acted pridefully with judgement and I recognize that judgement lacks grace and kindness….

I desire to move into, through and out of every day with an attitude and actions of kindness.

I know it may require me to set aside my agenda, feel less productive, change my plans in order to be flexible, bite my tongue and even at times be willing to be misunderstood when all I really want is to be heard.

I do not remember a time when I walked away wishing I had chosen something other than kindness. I remember many times, they occur often, when I realize I could have chosen differently and responded more kindly.

Do you think carefully about your response to yourself or others that you know how it feels to choose kindness?

I wonder if you think through your day if you can identify where you are at peace because kindness prevailed.

And just in case you are thinking about times when you feel like kindness just wasn’t an option….

Consider another one of my favorite kindness quotes….

 

I appreciate the kind words from many who have shared that they miss my writing.  I think almost every day about what I will write about. I love writing and I have missed writing, but I wasn’t sure how to press ahead when everything was fuzzy….

I started to have eye issues in November of 2013. Most everything was blurry and all words showed up in double and triple images. The process of diagnosis was complete and slow. MRI of my brain, neurology appointments, eye scans, blood work, more eye appointments, more neurology appointments, an eye surgery and a cataract surgery. In the end, in the last few weeks, my world has become more clear. I am grateful!

But more clear is not as simple as I thought it would be. My vision is different and I am not reading easily near by or far away yet. I am not sure if the eye is still healing or if this is my new norm, but I began to realize that if I am waiting until everything is clear, I may never write again.

And so I began to consider what if the future is a little fuzzy? This is not just in the literal sense….

I have learned well in my 44 years that no matter how sure I feel about today, tomorrow may hold life changing events. I believe this is true for anyone who is breathing. And so as I consider that, I realize that in reality, a fuzzy future is really not something that should stop me from moving ahead. Now I will say that with a new lens in my eye, the immediate view is more clearly seen. But I still hold some unknowns about how to proceed with focusing and ensuring my vision is the best it can be.

I wonder where your future feels fuzzy? Have you also hit pause on certain areas of your life? I want to invite you to hit play and commit to moving back into the fuzzy picture at a pace that feels comfortable to you.

I am back….

I want to write again….

I want to trust that even when I watch the letters unfold in a blurry fashion, that good can be produced. I want to live honestly about the struggles but recognize that in every day, I am fortunate to experience much more than just a visual struggle.

I have blogs to catch up on. Isaiah turned 8 and Mother’s day has come and gone. I have watched the miracle of my friends triplets and I wonder sometimes where my motivation for optimum health has gone. I am thankful for the lessons learned as I feared a fuzzy future. I am reminded of what I believe. God is faithful to me on good days and bad and regardless of the outcome of my fuzzy future (literal or unknown outcomes), He holds me close and will never let me go….

Until tomorrow….