I have a few favorite books I enjoy and flip through quite often. One of them is called Love Life. I do my best to Love Life and commit to this each and every day. Loving Life is not always a bundle of fun or a barrel of laughs. Sometimes it is the sweetness or the kindness, but sometimes it is the justice or the struggle. Sometimes it is the people and activity I love and other times it is the beautiful silence and alone space that is part of loving my life.

Today as I flipped through my book I came to the page that said

LOVE TAKING YOUR TIME           IT IS A GREAT ART TO SAUNTER ~ Henry David Thoreau

I have learned over many years how to saunter, but it still does not come naturally. As I consider the chaos that can come with the holiday planning, I would like to invite you to join me in this commitment. Are you willing to join me in LOVE TAKING YOUR TIME and learning about the art of sauntering? I believe it includes interrupting the pace in which we live. When I transition into the love of taking my time, I often start with a deep breath. I then ensure I am not multitasking, but give my full attention to one thing at a time. As my breaths get deeper and my body relaxes, the walking in a slow relaxed manner without hurry or effort feels light and invites me to notice different things.

How I wish I could hear your stories of slowing life down and taking your time this holiday season. Believe me, it is so valuable and worth being intentional about. I hope this Christmas season you will have stories to share about how you Loved the Moment and practiced the art of Sauntering.

Today it was evident that there is a changing of the seasons occurring. I have been around long enough to know that the calendar says it should happen on a given day or within a given span of time, but then we all know that it will happen when it happens.

Last night was very unusual. It was a balmy and warm evening in my corner of the world. The moon has been full and the colors in the sky at sunset full of varied shades of pink and filled with beauty. Dutch and I went out and played ball and went for one more walk last night as it was clear this balmy December could not last much longer. I was struck by how grateful I felt for another day of Sunshine and warmer air as I anticipated that winter was finally about to arrive.

Sometime in the night last night, I could hear the wind was bringing in winter. The window I had left open brought in a chilling breeze, and I could see my Christmas lights shaking in my 60-foot tall evergreen as I opened my eyes to see if I could see the wind roar. I curled up and wondered how long winter would stay.

Today the wind continued, the cold feels bitter and the temperature dropped from the balmy feel of last evening to the striking cold of today. I came into the office and commented how the sky appeared angry to me, gray and thick as if it was carrying snow.

I am aware that winter itself carries a bit of dread to me. The unpredictability of how the weather will affect my staff who are on the road providing much-needed care can feel ominous as we live each day of the long winter months.

The fear that our clients feel as they are anxious about ice and falling and broken hips and wet grocery floors is always on the back of my mind as daily trips are made out and about both on the job and off the job.

I know those who worry about their heating bills due to poverty.

I know those who dread blizzards and storms because of the work of clearing snow when you can’t afford plow service or a snow blower.

I know of those whose cars do not function well in below zero temperatures or tires that slide across the ice and make driving anxiety producing and dangerous.

I know of the struggle I carry about wondering what does it mean to care for and love those in need in those very real spaces.

And sometimes in the winter there just isn’t much sunshine. I miss the brightness and the warmth of the big yellow ball.

And yet, all that being true, my friend Janet Stark took and posted a picture of the sunset on my birthday this year. On December 2, in Grand Rapids, Michigan, God’s incredible creative hand offered us this masterpiece.

Seasons are a magical and beautiful part of God’s creation in West Michigan, and I am fortunate enough to be able to experience the change that comes in its miraculous way, time and time again.

I will not let my dread of winter rob me of the opportunity to marvel at the miracle that overnight, with the roar of the wind, winter can arrive.

I will choose to embrace and enjoy winter this year!

I will seek out opportunities to support those who struggle when getting out is more difficult or cold weather affects their comfort.

I will snow blow for neighbors and strangers and bring joy to others on cold and miserable days.

I will end each day thanking God for the invitation to see His hand, and I commit to living generously in what I can bring to others every winter day.

And I won’t start the countdown until Spring until the first of February. 🙂

There is just something about this boy. I met him on my first trip to Haiti and fell in love with him that day I saw him on the adoption website. I will never forget my sister in law and I squealing in delight as Marcia and Len felt convicted that Sonta and Jean-Marc were the children they felt convicted to adopt.

I am so grateful that Jean-Marc became a Borgdorff that one day in September 13 years ago. I am so grateful for his smile and his laugh, his compassion and his athletic grace and ability. I love the twinkle in his eye and his amazing ability to engage strangers with a smile and a handshake.

And just like that, he turned 14 years old. I watched him play basketball the other day and we talked about High School next year and he now towers over me.

I would not be honest if I did not tell you that I pray extra hard for him as a black teenager in today’s culture. I ask God to protect him and surround him with people who know him and know his good heart. I pray for men and women in his life who will see his potential and develop his leadership skills so he can bring change and goodness to those he interacts with. I pray he will never lose his smile, his laughter, his vision, his dreams, his passion, his compassion, his brilliance or his love for others…

I love you Jean-Marc and will always be in your corner, have your back and cheer you on in your every endeavor. Happy Birthday and I hope this year will be one of great adventure, high scoring and lots of love and laughter!

Yesterday was my birthday. As I took some time to reflect and look ahead, this seems to say it all and say it well.

In some areas of my life, I have been intentional and lived this well. But it was clear to me also that there are some areas I would like to bring change to in the coming year. Change requires clarity of where to focus and focusing brings results.

A few years back I committed to blogging every day of the year. I don’t remember what I wrote about every day, but I do remember how good the process was for me. It was an act of discipline that invited me to focus. I think those two words both create a feeling of anxiety and hope. I have often said, discipline and focus are words that do not go with my natural wiring. I am spontaneous, free-spirited and like to roll with what is unfolding. But I believe that I now fully recognize that discipline and focus do not have to squelch the spontaneous, free-spirited and roll with it part of who I am.

As I move into the coming year, I am committed to focusing on areas where I want to see growth and practicing the discipline needed to get there. I have a fuller understanding of what is needed for the wellness of my mind, body, and soul, and am committed to living intentionally in these areas.

I will be working this week on my vision for my 48th year. Some of what I hope for feels clear and obtainable and some of what I hope for I will have to allow it to feel more unknown of how it will come to be. I believe that some of what I long for unfolds in a way that cannot be prescribed or predicted but may unfold in ways that are surprising and delightful. I am committed to managing the things within my control and trusting the unfolding of all that is outside of my ability to influence or control.

I look forward to writing more. I have said it before and then time gets away from me and it is a long while before I return. I am grateful for this space started in 2010, where I document some of The Journey to my Heart and I am grateful for those of you who affirm and encourage me to keep writing.

My brother Len died when he was 48. It was sudden, tragic and changed life in so many ways. This year, on December 23, it will be 5 years ago that we got that call. There are still moments of deep sorrow, but more often I am reminded of what a gift life is. We are not promised tomorrow, and therefore, I want to live well today!

Len, you also had a spontaneous, free-spirited and like to roll with what is unfolding kind of spirit. I miss that so much and I commit this year to you. I will live it well, in your honor and your memory, because I know you loved life, amidst all of it’s struggles and hardships, you never lost your spark. I am grateful that there are moments of every day I envision your smile, hear your laughter or grieve your pain. I will always hold you close to my heart. This year is for you!  Shaka!

First, let me tell you I do not have a green thumb of any kind. I spend almost no time in my yard and yet I have an odd love and admiration for my Clematis.

There is something wild and beautiful to my Clematis plant. I have 3 different trellises for it to climb and yet it seems to grow bushier every year. I often find myself pondering in the fall if it might be the last year that it blooms so many beautiful flowers. I hardly dare hope for the beauty to surface again come spring.

As the snow melted, I noticed the dead branches and I was somewhat convinced that if life returned to this amazing clematis, I would be shocked and delighted.

Tonight I snapped this picture, and I am shocked and delighted. I find myself wondering when I will trust the process that life returns every year.

As I spent some time tonight just admiring all the buds that will soon burst into color, I am grateful for the miracle of this crazy, bushy, climbing Clematis.

I am grateful for the lessons this plant teaches me about how the cycle of dying actually allows for life to return. I am grateful for the lesson that even when directed and coached to climb, it still has a way of doing its own thing. I am grateful that somehow this crazy plant reminds me my own life and God’s plan for me.

May I never forget that God’s plan is to restore and bring beauty, hope, and promise through every season of my life.

Going to bed shocked and delighted and eager to check every day for the promise of the beautiful purple flowers.

I will admit that I went into the day wondering if I was going to be able to accomplish the task at hand. One of the greatest challenges of owning a home care company is balancing the number of new clients compared to our Caregivers availability. Our reputation is only as good as the caregivers we send into the homes.

I know when we receive a call from someone needing care, there is a great relief in their voice when we are quick to say YES, we would welcome the opportunity to assist you! And as soon as we say YES, we are keenly aware that we are now dependent on the YES of others.

When I went into the office today, I was aware that we needed to hear a lot of YES answers today. We have an abundance of new clients with a critical need for care. Sometimes care may be housekeeping and we can tweak and adjust to make things fit, but today the needs were all about 24-hour care, so we must provide care without interruption.

As Laura and I were strategizing about how to make it all come together, we were both very aware that all of our strategies are only effective if each person we call says YES. Laura said to me, you call and I will pray.

There is something about being dependent on another person’s YES answer that reminds me of the goodness of the people I am so very fortunate to employ. It seems like each day we begin calling or texting through our list of caregivers and lead into the conversation with a sense of honest appeal, letting them know we need them.

At about 440 pm today, it came together and we now have caregivers in place for all of tomorrow’s visits. As I consider tomorrow and what it will hold, I know that Thursday has a list of available shifts that we will need to fill. I am aware again that as I move through the day tomorrow, I will be very grateful for those who say YES.

We live in a world of self-protection and boundaries. So often we are talking about the freedom to say no and the importance of self-preservation. Tonight I just want to give a shout out to all of the caregivers at Visiting Angels of West Michigan. Each and every day your YES answers bring us hope and encouragement that we will continue to provide excellent care to the seniors in our community.

I invite you to consider where you might say YES when you’re inclined to say No.

I encourage you to consider how your day turned out for the better because of your willingness to say YES

Remember that each and every day we are invited to make the day the best it can be. I hope your world can be filled with moments when you say YES. YES to an ice cream cone, YES to a trip to the park, YES to meeting a friend for coffee, YES to a generous gift to a good cause, YES to serving at Church or in your community, YES to assist at work, Yes to a family member, friend and enemy. Allow your YES to change your world and the world of others.

I heard on the news the other day that the Cops have taken on a new strategy. They are now using unmarked cars to ride alongside traffic and identify distracted drivers. They then radio ahead to a marked car to pull over the driver.

I have been thinking about that as I drive. I wonder why I feel more aware when I might get busted. I wish all cops were unmarked so I would be reminded that it is not about following speed limits and safety guidelines only when I know the cop might be around the bend. I find myself curious about this and am aware I want to live the same regardless of how the Cop might present themselves.

Now as I type that I am aware that feels rebellious. I would call myself a frequent offender of distracted driving or speeding. I  somehow have myself believing that I do those things in a safe way.  I find myself convicted about this and am aware I want to live the same regardless of if there is a cop present, in either a marked or unmarked car.

I make some kind of commitment to myself every time I hear of a tragedy of distracted driving. I am weary of the places in my own life where I am aware and do not change my actions. The decision lies fully within me. Tomorrow may be too late. I am clear that it is a matter of what is best for me and for those around me.

And so perhaps this blog is simply an insight into my thoughts tonight. I wonder if you are aware how distracted you are when you drive? Perhaps it is time to return to 10 and 2 on the steering wheel and keeping my eyes on the road 100% of the time.

As I did some research I found this on the DMV page.

Tonight I have been working on writing my bio. I am going to begin seeing some clients at a local counseling center, and this bio will be posted on their website. I love to write, I find that when I stop my mind and let my fingers just type, words come quickly and I enjoy the process of fine tuning the words, reading and rereading to ensure that the words I am speaking are the words of my heart.

But tonight feels different. Writing my Bio to share who I am with others is difficult in a way I am surprised by. I live pretty honestly and am aware of my strengths and struggles. The journey of my life never ceases to amaze me, especially how I can now recongnize that each season was preparing me something yet to come.

I am pretty clear about my faith and live it in a heartfelt way, much more than an articulated theology. I am proud to be a part of the Christian Reformed Church and love serving in my local congregation as we strive to become a vibrant community of Faith.

I believe in this season of my life, I am aware that as a believer of Jesus, I stand firmly in loving all people. All people means people of all colors and all nations. It means married, single, same sex relationship or celibate. It means people of all abilities, stories, and faiths or those with no faith.  I believe that Gods’ command to love your neighbor is an invitation from God to me to plant love everywhere I go. (See last night’s blog)

And let me also say, that my loving others is not about me bringing good to them, it is also about how I am changed through the relationships I pursue, develop and embrace. I believe God created us to be in relationship. I long for a community that is filled with the diversity and variety of God’s created design.

Now, back to writing my bio.

I struggled tonight to find the words to put on paper, and I wondered how to communicate both the confidence of who I am and what I believe and the honesty in the struggle that life is complicated, hard and sometimes just plain exhausting. I struggled to communicate in the words I was writing that I consider it a privilege to journey with others and hear about where hearts were broken and wounded, life was planned but did not happen the way it was supposed to, or where dreams were inspired and birthed. I love to ask about the faces of those who communicated worth and value or the words spoken at some point in life that felt life-giving and released some kind of freedom in your soul. I love journeying with people. I write it here, on this blog, and my fingers take it straight from my heart. And yet, when I write a bio, somewhere the words get mixed up when they get processed through too much thought.

I wonder what you would experience if you were going to write your bio about who you are and what you have to offer to others. It is a good exercise to practice, and as you can tell, it is cathartic in some ways.

I better get back to finishing my bio. I am going to allow the process to continue to flow from my heart and not get caught in too much thinking of mind.

Perhaps this quote on my office wall says it best. It is a simplified summary of my bio…

I wonder what happens in your heart as you read Anita Krizzan’s quote above.

I saw this early in my day and have thought about it often throughout the day,  I had a few conversations today that fit right into the words of this quote. There is something so freeing to think about leaving love everywhere I go.  There is something beautiful about planting tiny precious seeds.

I began to consider the faces of people who have planted love everywhere they went and how my life has been changed because of them.  I am grateful for those faces in my story. Who do you envision when you think of a seed planter of love seeds?

I want to live this and invite you to join me. Let your heart crumble into an infinite amount of tiny, precious seeds. Then plant love everywhere you go. It is my hope that your face will be named and remembered by others around you, because of your commitment to plant seeds of love in this wild adventure of life.

Today is my Dad’s 77th birthday.

I find myself full of gratitude today.

Grateful for his health and ability to be actively involved in my life.

Grateful for his leadership and his willingness to share all he has experienced with me. I have a greater level of
confidence in the spaces I lead because I  know I can seek his input and guidance.

Grateful for his wisdom and how he speaks with truth and conviction and grace.

Grateful for how he has modeled to us that the world is a place to explore, travel is an opportunity and people of all colors, faith and experiences will enrich our lives if we take the time to know them. I so enjoy watching his facebook comments grow with wishes truly from all over the world.

There is so much to be grateful for!  I love the memories we create through annual winter travels, summer golf games, banket making, cottage renting, and living together and sharing life as a growing family of 20+.

It is sheer joy for me to watch their grandchildren appreciate, admire and interact with him as they are growing into influential young adults. I am delighted that both of my parents are blessed with good health and able to watch how their lives and their stories continue to shape the decisions of future generations.

I could write a book about my Dad. I believe his life would teach you about calling, conviction, leadership, action, laughter, honesty,  family, work ethic, commitment, and grace.

I love you Dad and hope this year will be another year of embracing God’s goodness and provision in so many ways.