More and more, I believe that being able to accept help is both a decision and an art. I have many conversations every week with adult children asking how to talk their parents into receiving support.
Today I had a delightful conversation with a 95-year-old woman. I met with her and her children to discuss her “need” for help. She has a beautiful support system in her adult children, and there are likely some areas that she could use some additional assistance.
The conversation moved along nicely. It was kind but honest. It was amazing to see this dear woman’s sharpness of mind. It became evident to me about halfway through our meeting that I was engaging in conversation that felt like I was trying to convince her she needed assistance. I rarely find that beneficial. I shifted my approach and affirmed that she was still competent to do the tasks that we were discussing. But what if it wasn’t about capable or not? What if it was about providing support and energy conservation to enjoy some different things each day.
I wonder how we can normalize receiving help so that getting help doesn’t feel so threatening or difficult to accept when we are older. I wonder how often we take the help of others in our younger years. Are we prone to accept and stand in gratitude for someone’s kindness? Or are we inclined to wonder why they think we need help and communicate we can handle it? What messages are we passing on to the next generation as they watch our ways?
I always enjoy conversations of this nature. It is an opportunity to affirm strengths and identify areas of vulnerability. It is always an opportunity to invite someone to consider how it would be if the help was offered, not to minimize what one is capable of but to bring an element of assistance, safety, and/or rest.
- And so, at the end of this day, I leave you with these thoughts:
- How good are you at offering and receiving assistance?
When you offer help, are you able to affirm strengths and not focus on vulnerabilities? - How gracious are you when you are the receiver? Are you able to see the good intentions of the one who is offering? Are you able to recognize the blessing of support that will come to you?
- Who in your circles can you offer some support to in the coming weeks?
- Consider making a meal, running some errands, gathering the mail for someone in your neighborhood who struggles with this task, or doing the laundry for someone who can no longer navigate the stairs.
- Be creative, be kind, honor the space you are standing in and remind them that accepting help is something we can all practice. Because after all, “accepting help is its own kind of strength!”
Love this family! You are such a great writer!
When are you going to write a book?
I enjoy your posts! So does Fred😊