Month: September 2014

I had an interesting conversation with my brother-in-law and financial advisor from Eastown Financial Services this past week. We took some time to look at how my savings and investments will calculate out at retirement. It was helpful for me to see the numbers in black and white and the calculations that these amazing calculators can project.

I used to say that I had to work longer than I lived before I could retire. Somewhere in the last 10 years, that changed. Now it says that I can retire at about 72. Now that still seems like a long ways away, but intentional living must continue.

And so, I find myself considering how do I ensure that I am planning well for my retirement? And because my mind rarely stays with one thought, I begin to consider that financially, physically, spiritually, relationally…..

I work hard to live with my feet on the ground, aware of all that is unfolding around me in a given moment.

I also want to work hard to live with my future wellbeing considered.

I am aware that over the years I have not focused on my future well-being as much as my here and now, and I can feel space being created to make room for both in my life. The shift does not come easily and I recognize that in order for both to occur, I will need to make some changes in my here and now…

I wonder how you are doing in balancing both of these areas in your life….

I invite you to join me in the angst of balancing living in the here and now and planning and saving for the next 30 years and beyond….

I am grateful that I have wise parents who have modeled this well and I have expertise from people who care about me to coach and encourage me. I believe this fits well with my new set of goals I am setting for the next five years. Who knows what can happen between now and when I turn 50 if I stop wondering and start doing.

A new way of life begins today.

 

 

 

 

I spent time this weekend sitting with my small group at Retelling. Retelling is described in the falling paragraph…

Journey with others in our community while exploring your story, learning how your past has shaped you, and how you might live into your future in light of what God’s been doing in your life.

It is about looking back and moving forward, recognizing that some spaces in our stories are worthy of pausing and reflecting. It is not about reliving the past or being stuck there, but it is about honoring/remembering/grieving the events, people and places that have shaped us into who we are today. I have been a part of Journey groups (of which Retelling is one) for 20+ years. I can very much remember the days when I believed that struggle was part of the problem I needed to be cured from. I was trying to be free from the struggles of life. Well, that simply led me to denial.

But I would encounter people who told me how good God was to them and how he removed their struggles and now they have nothing but joy in their life. I wondered why God would be so kind to them and not to me? Well, I have learned not to use stories like that as my bench mark either. I can not say if God has or has not done that for them, but through the invitation of living honestly, I have found many many more people who have come to say that God is with them in their struggle, not that He has rescued them from it.

And so tonight I made this my cover photo on Facebook after being with a brave and honest group of women this weekend.

For me the journey is not about the focus of being whole, but about knowing how to embrace the struggle as part of my story. I have learned that when I embrace my dignity and my depravity, my struggle and my joy, I will often feel more whole, but until I meet Jesus, I will never be completely whole. I have found joy embracing myself as a broken and redeemed woman.

I want to be a woman who is courageous enough to not rest in a place I want/need to move through but also recognize that peace can be found in a place of struggle.

I want to remember that God journeys with me in the valleys, on level ground and on the mountain tops. I want to daily embrace that struggle is part of my story.

I believe that I have been shaped much more by my struggles than by my success. I am more aware of the depths of my heart for where it has ached than where it has found joy.

I by no means want to sound or live as a pessimist. I believe most would say I am far from a pessimist or half empty kind of girl.

I invite you to consider the struggle in your story. Embrace the way it has shaped you and consider what your heart has held during those seasons of struggle. From this space in my kitchen I can confidently assure you of this, if you have struggled, you are not alone. Live life to the fullest my friends, and struggle well!

It is good to be home tonight after a 24 hour trip to Canada. It was one of those trips that was enjoyed at every turn.

My Mom and my two aunts and I went to visit my other aunt. Spending time with four sisters who are now ages 81, 80, 76 and 72 is simply delightful.

It is delightful to hear them remember about their years in the Netherlands…

It is delightful to listen to their conversations, often more in dutch than English…

It is delightful to experience life through their eyes, their reflection of the past and their discussion of their future days, however long those may be.

It sweet to hear them share where they have experienced abundance and goodness and I admire their honesty when they share where their losses have been evident…

It is inspiring to witness my aunt practice her walking. To see my cousin be her coach, encourager and protecter is very touching.

It is such fun to be with my cousin and his wife and their kids at the retirement village. In those spaces the gift of sharing dinner, being together and enjoying laughter is a sharp contrast to the lives of many residents there.

And in the hours on the road, I was keenly aware that I was with three sisters who had all lost a child much too young. I drove and admired the courage of my Mom, Aunt Wilma and Aunt Trina as we remembered Len, Margaret and Ken in small ways.

I am so grateful to be able to accompany my aunts and my Mom to Canada. I learn so much about life by sharing time with them. I learn about each of them individually and I learn about their family of origin. I learn about their struggles and their strengths and how they live out each day.

I am grateful for a family that understands being together, even when it means 12 hours of travel for an 8 hour visit.

I am grateful for a family which shares tears of happiness in their hellos and tears that reveal the difficulty of good byes.

I appreciate that through the losses we have experienced, we have learned that every day is a gift and time together is important.

I hope if you have a friend or family member who would be encouraged to hear from you or see you, that you might reach out and share some of your time, energy and love today.

At Visiting Angels of West Michigan we strive to make changes that improve our quality and delivery of care.  A while back we rolled out a new call-in system which can update our computer with arrival times and ensure caregivers arrive and arrive on time. We made this change for a few reasons. The primary reason is because of the increased number of clients we serve with dementia, it is imperative for us to know that caregivers have arrived and are providing the care even if the client may not be able to recall if anyone was ever there.

I am so grateful that I can count the number of no-show visits on one hand over the last 10 years. But I do recognize that with 100+ visits a day, it is beneficial to be proactive any situations possible. We also find it difficult to manage punctual arrivals when we are in the office and caregivers work all day in the field. This system will provide a healthy accountability.

And so, recently we communicated these changes to 200+ clients and families. I find it delightful to talk with our clients and the conversations often leave me with joy in my heart. We serve a group of people who are generous with their appreciation and gratitude. I realized during this process that there are a few conversations that are marked by a cynical approach. Questions such as “who has ripped you off?” and “don’t you trust anyone?”

I find myself assuring them that we are implementing this to ensure each of our clients receive excellent care. I am struck by the tone of these conversations that stick with me and even though the positive comments are far greater than the cynical, why do the cynical comments stick with me?

I am grateful that I have learned to nurture my thoughts to focus on what is positive.

I am grateful that I have learned to consider the cynic to see if there is truth and if not, to do my best to not allow the negative linger.

I am grateful that I am wired in such a way that I do not use cynicism very often.

And yet, what can I learn from these lingering thoughts?

I am reminded that I have a choice in what I communicate and how I respond.

I am confident I want to leave a positive impact on the conversations I have.

I am grateful that I was able to engage in conversations that were positive and affirming.

I want to be able to offer an abundance of grace, recognizing that cynicism is often birthed in a heart that has been hurt or trust has been violated.

And so, tonight I wonder if you are a cynic? If you are, might you consider where it stems from and how it impacts the people you interact with?

Are you aware of how you react to cynicism when it is spoken to you?

Are you able to choose to focus on all that is good and let the impact of cynicism slip away?

I am fascinated by words and connotations the impact we leave when we walk away from a conversation. It might be cynicism (an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest; skepticism.) or Sarcasm (the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.) But perhaps sarcasm is a good topic for another night!

Go and be positive in your thoughts, words and actions!

I have friends who are living their bucket list. They are traveling and being intentional about the places they want to visit together. There is something that I so admire in their intentional living. There is something I have decided as I have reflected on the fun they are having.

Now it’s not that my friends are old, but they are a bit older than me! This picture of four years ago allows you to see Richard and Betty, two people I love and admire.

And so, back to my bucket list. I begin to consider what if my years don’t allow me to age with the good health and grace that God has granted Richard and Betty? I have learned through my brother’s death that sometimes life is cut too short too quickly. And yet, I want to live as if I am going to have many more years. It doesn’t seem responsible to enjoy now what feels more appropriate to enjoy after years of working and saving. Realistically, I can not bring many of my dreams to fruition at this season of my life.

But, perhaps there is a different way to approach my bucket list. Surely many of you will remember the Bozo show when they played the bucket game. There was a whole row of buckets lined up. I began to envision what if my bucket list included a whole row of buckets. There is the bucket that starts at age 45 and goes to 50. There is a bucket from 50 to 55 and 55 to 60 and so on….

Every five years I will have an opportunity to identify what I desire to do and what resources I have to allocate towards living the life of enjoyment that my health, time and resources allow. And so as I approach 45 in the coming months, I begin to identify some themes for bucket number 1. I know that bucket number one includes four key areas so far.

Because I have invested much into the redesign and enjoyment of my home, one of the key desires I have between 45 and 50 is to grow in my cooking abilities. I would like to learn and practice and entertain in the enjoyment of my beautiful kitchen. I am eager to learn, practice, enjoy and share in the magnitude of learning I anticipate by having this one of my intentional living bucket list items.

Another area I would like to focus on and enjoy is outdoor activities. I have taken the steps towards the enjoyment of Kayaking, biking and golf. Now perhaps because I am not yet 45 and I have purchased my kayak’s and am looking forward to golf lessons this fall, and am an active biker, I may be adding some new things to this bucket item. But because there are many rivers and trails and I have a super long way to go to get good at golfing, this may be a good place to start. What I am looking forward to the most is the fact that any of these three activities can be done in the enjoyment of others.

My third area of focus in this 5 year bucket is to enjoy at least two significant trips to first time places. I have so enjoyed travels with my parents and my aunt, and anticipate that if all is well, these may be travels I take with them.

And every five-year bucket will hold a commitment to giving something away. Not necessarily in money or things, but in being involved in some fashion in a way that makes a difference. I am not sure yet what that will look like in these first five years.

I wonder what fills your bucket list.

I wonder if you can set some time aside to start living it soon?

I am doing this because I learned through the tragic sudden death of my brother Len that living life today is imperative because we are not promised tomorrow. And if God grants us life for the upcoming tomorrows, may each day honor the miracle of your beating heart, your sense of adventure and your desire to make a difference in the lives of those around you. Here is to you Len…I am living life well in honor of your wild sense of adventure and purpose!

 

 

Last night I met with a group of men and women I will be leading small group with between now and Christmas. I knew some very well and some I had never met. Janet started us off with one of those get to know each other questions. This small group is about knowing our stories and inviting others to be curious about their story as well. It is about sharing and being curious and knowing how to engage and love each other well. I was struck by what an awesome question…..

Our answers ranged from images of hope and beauty and strength to places we feel disconnected, stuck and weary. There was almost always a tension between words of our dignity with words that creep in and question our value. The images that were shared were words that spoke to the journey we each have traveled in some way. The question initially gripped me with some trepidation and then as we all shared for about five minutes, I began to connect with the words being shared and the words I shared. It felt as if we knew each other just a little more by the end of that get to know you exercise, in a way that shared laughter and depth. In a way that felt real.

I will say that I stood at the mirror differently this morning. I looked deeper into my eyes and thought more about the woman I am and am not. I thought of my goals and dreams and I thought of my disappointment and my sorrow. And then I smiled and remembered it is Friday and I have much to do. I have a workout and some office time, a drive to Chicago and time with my brother and his family and a football game in which to cheer on my nephew. I have a full day and I want to embrace all it holds. I look in the mirror and I know that I am a woman with a story. A woman who knows deep heartache but also a woman who has been filled with joy and gratitude. I am a woman who has learned to enjoy the journey and understand that there will be difficult days as well as ones filled with delight. I am a woman who is striving to feel fully connected in mind, body and soul and live a life of purpose and be fully alive. I struggle, I weep, I laugh, I enjoy, I have goals and dreams and I have a choice to embrace each moment.

I look in the mirror and i know I am not who I desire to be AND I look in the mirror and I am delighted in the person I am becoming. Life is a journey. The journey to embrace the person you see in the mirror is one of the most important journeys we are called to. I believe it is where the ability and desire to loving others well begins.

Take a peek and answer the question for yourself. I would hope it is a question that will invite you to love yourself and others more deeply and more freely!