Journey to my heart….

It seems like every time I spend time looking at Pinterest I am surprised at how much I enjoy it. There are so many ideas, and I find my mind and heart provoked with good thoughts. Recently I came across this self-care schedule.

I am committed to self-care in theory as I work to live a life of wellness for my mind, body, and soul. But often at the end of the day, I struggle to identify where I took the time to care, even in small ways, for myself.

Then I came across this self-care schedule. It took me a few days to decide to print it and a few days more to decide to post it. I find it interesting to pause each day and read the questions for the given day. It is fascinating to notice where I see myself considering the issues and how I am starting to transition into action. I can feel my intention growing as I prioritize self-care in new ways in 2018.

Self-care used to include stopping the chaos that seemed to always be circling around my mind and heart. I am so very grateful that I have moved beyond that and am no longer living in that cyclone of chaos. Now I must consider the next steps. It is no longer self-care for me to sit in the quiet, I am ready for a new level of self-care. For me, I am enjoying that the self-care invites me to engage the clutter or engage my thoughts on my body image or invite me to lose inhibitions in places I feel stiff or stilted.

I am grateful for the spaces I am choosing to consider and embrace self-care. Thanks to Pinterest, I have a structure to work with. I hope you are embracing your self-care this year. I hope your self-care is engaging your mind, body, and soul and is full of kindness for yourself and your story. 

 

Everything in me wanted to bypass this in my folder of inspirational nuggets. It is only the 9th day of January 2018. I can’t write about Begin Again yet. I know it is true for me, but I don’t want to admit that yet. It seems like I should not be beginning again already, after all, it is only the 9th day of 2018.  Welcome to my internal dialogue when deciding how honest to be when I am selecting a blogging topic.

I have committed to focusing on my choices and behaviors this year as opposed to my outcomes. I can’t make the scale show a certain number, but I am the one who chooses what goes into my mouth. I can’t control how I will sleep, but I can make sure my behaviors leading into sleep are setting me up for the best rest possible.

And so, on this 9th day of January, just a short 9 days into the new year, I am aware of how many times I have committed to Begin Again. In my commitment to live honestly with myself and others, I can assure you that this Begin Again flashes in my head daily. I am learning to create expectations and grace in my daily life. I am learning to increase my expectations in areas I fear and allow for grace, especially when I have risked growth. I wonder what your expectation/grace/begin again conversation looks like in the privacy of your own thoughts? Do you have daily goals for yourself? Are you aware when you are acting a way that is counterproductive to what you long for? Are you striving to control your outcomes or influence your beliefs and actions for good?

I am grateful for the words Begin Again and that I am willing to use them daily if needed. I hope you also will join me in making these two powerful and kind words become words of kindness and grace that you embrace into your own journey.

 

 

 

I have been interested in identifying ways that I can live more disconnected this year. I am not looking to disconnect from people but technology. I am aware that technology is a gift in my life. Technology has allotted me much more than it has cost me. I am committed to not being an all or nothing thinker this year, but finding the healthy balance in so many areas. That being said, there are ways I can benefit from using my technology differently in 2018.

I came across these recommendations and began to consider these changes in my daily routines.

• Use an alarm clock instead of your phone.
  • This one feels doable, but I have indeed become accustomed to Alexa, so I don’t even open my eye’s to look at a clock. I simply say, “Alexa, what time is it?” When I started to use Alexa, I did start to charge my phone in the bathroom. It is essential to be able to hear it if it rings, but it does feel good to not be sleeping with my phone.

• Do not check your email in the first hour of the day.
  • This is one I am going to work on in February. With an early morning workout, there is no need to check my email before or even immediately following my exercise. I will commit to not checking my email before 7 am.
• Identify specific times to check social media
  • We have come to use Social Media for communication with clients and caregivers and also as a recruiting tool. I will begin to give some thought to how to limit or change my current patterns.
• Cook from a cookbook instead of an online recipe
  • I really like this idea but feel limited by the vast array that is accessible via the web. I believe I will work to print and work from paper first. That means I will need to get ink and paper for my printer. See how many good things develop from this idea of disconnecting.
• Use pencil and paper again.
  • And I will say that this one almost gives me that feeling of being giddy. I so enjoy a variety of pens. Then to obtain a few cool notepads or journals and I am good to go. I will have to sort out what I will work to write down, but I know for sure I will keep using my computer for a lot of this as well.

I wonder if you find your interest peaked in practicing ways to disconnect from your technology. There is no magical way, and I encourage you to identify your 3 to 5 ways you will venture into this experiment. I am learning that most anything beneficial, will likely take some time to establish, so give it a go and be patient. I am eager to hear from you about what you are trying and what you are learning about yourself in the process.

Now I better take my scrabble turns, shut down my electronics and call it a day.

 

Can it really be that this fantastic niece of mine turned 21 yesterday? Olivia Grace is a passionate, athletic, brilliant woman. She has traveled the world and encountered the refugee crisis of our world by being available to the men, women, and children as they came out of the water seeking protection, shelter, food, and opportunity. I want to share with you one of her blog entries from 2016. It will help you understand why I admire her so!

Dear President Obama, 
I am writing on behalf of the refugees.

My name is Olivia, and I live in Belleville, Michigan. I just turned 19 this year, and I am currently sailing on a vessel called the Next Wave through the Greek islands with the destination being Lesvos. I am here to do what I can to help the refugee crisis, or what can also be looked at as, my brothers and sisters in need of something I have to offer. What I have is hope. 

 The purpose of me writing is that I believe that we need to welcome, which means accepting, legal immigrants into the great United States that we are. We were built from the ground up on immigrants, and I cannot understand how we’ve lost sight of our very foundation. Mr. President, quite frankly terrorism is not an act we can stop by closing our borders. We have so many conflicts within our own country. School shootings alone take the lives of hundreds. Instead, we insist on focusing our concern outwards. Are there some radical Islamics that have the potential of getting into our country? Maybe. But what about all of the families that are losing parts of themselves to the depths of the sea, or to the disease and unhygienic camps, or to the sheer cruelty and pure disgust from the rest of the world? What about all of the precious children, Mr. President? I’ve held these crying children, I’ve fed these starving people, but I know that it is not enough. I can do more. I can use my voice, so here I am. I’m not here to say that we aren’t running a risk. But I am here to say that it would be worth it. When did we establish the wellbeing of one life prioritized over another simply by country of origin? When did blatant racism become an acceptable political stance? When did we forget that the blood running through our very veins originated in a country other than here? 
I’m not sure this letter will ever actually get to your hands, it very well may be a shot in the dark. But I’m ok with that because taking a chance is better than not trying at all. That must be kind of what the refugee’s futures feel like right now. A shot in the dark. But they thought it was worth the chance because paying the price they have and taking the risks they are and literally fleeing for their lives, well that, that must be better than not trying at all. One does not place their child in a boat unless they are sure the water is safer than land.
I’m asking that we help to make their shot worth it. I’m asking that we become their safe land.
Err on the side of humanity, Mr. President. 

I am excited to see what God has planned for you this year Olivia. You have prayed, sought God, put your God-given skills to work, practiced diligently, studied hard and earned yourself a scholarship. I am so very proud of you!

I love your heart, your passion, your growing faith, your laughter and your tears, your commitment to fighting for equality and your very tender heart. I appreciate your commitment to family, your siblings, your cousins, your articulate expressions of love and like for each of us and the creative ways you continue to keep your Dad’s memory alive.

I want to end with a bit more from Olivia’s blog.

Working with the refugees was nothing like what I expected. I think Jesus does that a lot, he shatters expectations- sometimes in a magnificent way and sometimes in anticlimactic ways, but we remain clueless to the way things pan out nonetheless. Going into it, I expect my heart to be broken to pieces. I expected heart-wrenching. I expected tears. Coming out of it, I realize that there is a time for everything under the sun, and for me, in this season, it was not a time for tears. It was a time for an overflowing heart, a mindset of love. In my short time serving my brothers and sisters who have fled their countries, I was filled with hope that the God that I know, knows and sees and loves these people too. While changing a disabled woman’s wet, dirty socks and shoes I had a revelation. Bowed at this precious woman’s feet, I realized that that is who our Jesus is. He is a God who washes the dirty feet and dirty hearts of his flawed children. 
Humbling one’s self to serve, not because ‘they are helpless’ or ‘we must pity them’ but out of the sheer longing to be more like our God is such a whole feeling. God makes us whole when we search and seek to be like him. In this season, seeking God looked like working crazy night shifts and preparing sweet hot tea to welcome cold, wet people into a new, scary land. I can’t fix the crisis. I can’t even begin to make a dent. Hot tea doesn’t change nations. But maybe, in a way, it does. It changes hearts, and that’s the only way to start. One heart at a time.

I love you and admire you, Olivia Grace. Keep writing, keep speaking, keep risking, keep loving! You have lived and enjoyed a lot in your life. You know deep love, great loss, and daily grief. You know the thrill of seeking, knowing and finding God and the uncertainty that comes with deep faith. I am grateful to be your Aunt and eager to support, encourage, pray for and love you in every way! Happy Happy Happy 21st Birthday!

 

In our family when we hear Brandy Alexanders we think of Aunt Dot.

Dorothy, the 11th of 12 children born to my Pake and Beppe in 1950 has earned herself a few more names. Today in our family she is Dorothy, Dot, Aunt Dot, Beppe Dot and Tante Dot. She is a unique combination of 3rd parent, extra grandparent, aunt, neighbor and friend.

 

Tonight we celebrated Aunt Dot’s birthday with Brandy Alexanders and I was reminded of her beautiful, quiet, strong presence in our Borgdorff bunch. She was a very young age when she immigrated and yet she has been a documenter of the family story.

She lives alone and has worked hard to provide for her needs and save for her future and yet she joins in on the adventures of our large family generously. She has a quiet soul and enjoys the peace of her home, but she will hang with all of us often and delight in all the noise that comes with a gathering full of laughter, conversation and occasional gnashing of teeth.

Aunt Dot is faithful, organized, brilliant, hard-working, loyal, and deeply loved!

Happy 68th Birthday Dorothy, Dot, Aunt Dot, Beppe Dot or Tante Dot. No matter what we call you on any given day. We all love you! You’re the GOAT!

 

 

My sister gave me this gift for Christmas. It has found a beautiful spot on my kitchen window where I am reminded daily of how I hope to live.

I wonder if you have learned the art of wonder?

I have learned that when I take time to wonder, I enter a conversation with curiosity and an invitation to explore something unknown.

I have learned that when I take time to wonder, I must listen carefully and experience deeply. I must find a way to be present with myself and with whomever I am sharing time with. I also know the feeling when I am not wondering, not very engaged and not very present. If that has been me in conversation with you, please accept my apologies. 🙂

I have learned that when I take time to wonder, I hear more than your words. I listen to your body language and your eyes. I am so grateful for the spaces where I am choosing to wonder, for it is in those spaces that I have the most significant chances of hearing your heart.

Wondering is an act of compassion and discipline. When I take time to wonder, I must block out distractions, set my phone aside and offer my full attention to whomever I am sharing time with at that moment.

I am grateful for this gift and how it reminds me of how I want to live in the presence of others. I am thankful for those who have wondered with me. I believe that wondering and curiosity can create the foundation for sharing sacred spaces with someone who cares.

I wonder if you learned the art of wonder?

 

 

 

I am learning that my body really does speak. Often I have been to busy to hear what my body is saying, but one of the benefits of early morning workouts is that I seem to have opened my ears to listen to the messages my body is sending.

I used to be only in tune with the messages of pain or tiredness or hunger. As I have journeyed, I have learned that there are messages of strength and energy and satisfaction. I have learned that my body will crave foods that are fuel and will soak up good moisturizing lotion. Bath oils and stretching are forms of treating my body kindly. And it really is true that my body whispers and if I don’t pay attention, it will continue to speak louder.

As I write this, I paused to email my trainer. I am aware that my knee is hurting and I have been intentionally ignoring it today. I cannot be limited by an injury this year. I have big goals to hit. And yet as I type I am aware, my body is speaking. Ignoring the message is not a kind or mature way to respond. I am hopeful my fantastic trainer Noah will have some options for my workouts, and I must remember that I can listen and still move forward in my goals. When your body speaks, the kindest thing is to hear and not lose hope. Our bodies are incredible acts of creation, and the more I listen to the messages it offers me, the more my gratitude grows for the integral complexity of my body and long to care for it well.

I hope in 2018, you will begin to listen to the whispers of your body and attune your ear to the messages you need to hear. I have learned that the more present I am with my self, mind, body, and spirit, the more present I am able to be with others!

 

 

When I was a kid, I remember Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. I am not sure why the book was so entertaining,  but there was just something about it. I think because it was so extreme.

There is something about this piece written by LR Knost that describes life pretty accurately.

Amazing and Awful and amazing again, yes, I know those spaces in my world.

Ordinary, mundane and routine, yes, I know those three spaces in my world as well.

Breathing, holding on, relaxing and exhaling, yes, I am pretty good at all of those!

Yes, I understand that thing called life, that heartbreaking, soul healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life.

And yes, already on day two of 2018 I have experienced the breathtakingly beautiful.

Today I feel like there should be a sequel, and it just might be called Alexander and the heartbreaking, soul healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life.

I hope in your days you experience a little bit of everything so you can fully grasp and embrace the breathtakingly beautiful!

 

I wonder if you have experienced the blessing of having someone “show up” for you.

Can you envision the face or faces of that person or those people who you have seen in the spaces you needed a face?

• It may have been someone who showed up to cheer you on,
• It may have been someone who showed up to encourage you.
• It may have been someone who showed up to comfort you.
• It may have been someone who showed up to lend a hand at a time when the task felt too big.
• It may have been someone who showed up to stand with you in a lonely space.
• It may have been someone who knew that being with someone was going to be better than being alone.
• It may have been someone who sat with you and invited you to share all your heart held
• It may have been someone who sat with you, and no words were needed.

I think you understand my point. There is power in showing up. Your presence is a gift like no other and doesn’t require you to prepare, spend or bring anything more than yourself.

• I hope that you will consider showing up in 2018.
• I hope in the spaces you need the presence of another, you will risk inviting someone to show up for you!
• I hope you will take the time to appreciate those who have shown up for you with some words of gratitude.

Living in the presence and power of community will make us all stronger people who dare to hope and believe in one another. I don’t know about you, but for me, that will make a pretty good 2018!

I wrote the title with confidence and knew I wanted to write about Change as this last day of 2017 comes to a close. And yet, I have stared at a blank page for quite some time. What is it that I want to say…

I think I want to put words to what has become clear to me in 2017.

In 2017 I began to realize that friendships change.

Good friendships where stories have been shared and held, where the journey has felt sweet and secure and in some space of my heart, where I believed that the friendships would last until we were all old, well, those bonds, they change.

In 2017 I began to embrace the reality of seasons of friendships.

Really good and sweet friendships may only be for a season.

There was a ministry that had been a big part of my life since my mid 20’s. During those 20+ years, I came to know many beautiful friends. As the ministry has changed, the friendships have changed. It has been a challenging and difficult part of my 2017. There may not be an apparent reason, a misunderstanding or an argument that ends a season of friendship, but I began to embrace that relationships shift over time.

When I began to embrace that friendships shift, at no fault of one or the other, I freed myself from wondering where I failed or where I have been failed. Sometimes the season ends and it is good to hold all that was shared with deep love and respect and bless the season that was.

I believe the idea of holding all that was shared with deep love and respect and bless the season that was extends beyond my experiences with changing friendships in 2017. Is there something you have also experienced as changing or fleeting in 2017? Does some change in your life feel odd or mysterious? I invite you to consider blessing the transition and free yourself from trying to figure it out. Create space for something new in your heart.

I am aware that some relationships require conversation and reconciliation and those things are a priority for sure. But this change of which I am experiencing feels different than conflict. It feels like the ebb and flow of life and the willingness to allow change to happen. I invite you to trust that as the season changes, what you have experienced and shared (and lost in some sense)can remain as good and what is to come can be anticipated with hope.

I am looking forward to a year that will invite me to grow, love, forgive, laugh, weep, celebrate, rest, stretch, work, serve, worship and change with the seasons that are sure to unfold. I hope that your year will also hold much goodness and invitation to the same. I hope you too will find God to be in the spaces of change that feel mysterious and difficult, and in the struggle, you will choose to bless all that is good!

Happy New Year!