Journey to my heart….

Today I spent more time at the hospital advocating. A dear soul, who happens to be a feisty 92-year-old woman, and a client of mine, is ready to be discharged. I heard the plan was to send her to rehab. Interesting I thought, she has advanced lung disease and when she exerts any amount of effort, her oxygen levels drop rapidly. How on earth was she going to be successful in rehab? My concern was that she would go to rehab, not be able to meet the goals required for Medicare to pay for the stay, and then be deemed too weak to return to her condo and be considered for nursing home placement.

There is one thing I know about this feisty 92-year-old dear soul is that she wants to be at home until her last breath. She is of sound mind, and her daughters are doing their best to honor her wishes. I asked them for permission to ask a few questions.

I started with her nurse and asked her if she believed rehab would be successful. She highly doubted it as her numbers drop just going to the bathroom. I asked the nurse if she would mention this to the Doc and asked her to help me ensure we were talking about what was real and setting her up for the best discharge possible. She agreed and said hospitals aren’t always very good at having those honest, real conversations. I was sad about that reality, and I was convicted to continue advocating for those who God brings into my world.

I mentioned Hospice as an option for my client and her daughters, and in conversation, they learned why Hospice would serve them well. It was not about their Mom having cancer, or that death was coming in the next few days or even weeks. It did mean she would be able to discharge home with the support of Hospice and take each day as it comes.

What Hospice does mean is this:

Hospice is a specialized type of care for those facing a life-limiting illness, their families and their caregivers.

• Hospice care addresses the patient’s physical, emotional, social and spiritual needs.
• Hospice care also helps the patient’s family caregivers.
• Hospice care takes place in the patient’s home or in a home-like setting.
• Hospice care concentrates on managing a patient’s pain and other symptoms so that the patient may live as comfortable as possible and make the most of the time that remains.
• Hospice care believes the quality of life to be as important as length of life

Tonight I am grateful for this families willingness to learn and speak up about where they had come to be misinformed and believe wrong things about Hospice.

I am thankful for the opportunity for this feisty 92-year-old dear soul to go home with Hospice support.

I admire her courage to recognize her life-limiting illness and to explore Hospice, even when she was sure it was meant only for people who will die in the coming days.

I wonder what you know and/or believe about Hospice. I invite you to do some research or talk to someone who knows and learn about what is true before your faced with a need to decide if Hospice is right for you or someone you love. If you have questions, please email me at Trish@vangels.com.

I know that my years working as a Hospice social worker taught me about living and dying and the importance of quality of life in those both.

 

My Beppe was a reflective, reserved, quiet woman and this picture is celebrating her 80th birthday. One of the phrases we repeat straight from her passed down wisdom is “it will be better before your 80.”

I don’t know if this is a phrase that was heard all over Friesland and Sussex New Jersey or just in homes influenced by my Beppe, but it has stuck with me. Now of course I know it doesn’t apply to everything and today, I have a sense of relief when it does apply to me.

So this past weekend I woke up achy and with a headache. I didn’t feel awful and was debating about if I should push through or get checked out. After all one thing I was pretty sure of, was that it would be better before I am 80.

Due to the fact that this flu is highly contagious and easily spread, I work with seniors, and am anticipating an upcoming vacation I opted to get checked out at Urgent Care.

Let me say that the care I received was phenomenal, starting with solid affirmation for coming in. I didn’t even know yet if I was sick and the Nurse and Doc were affirming the steps I was taking just in case. Then when I tested positive, they were so good at prescribing what will aid me and telling me what to expect and so far on day 3, they have been right on. I am on the days where you just seem to sleep, wake up briefly, sleep some more and sleep all through the night along with a fluctuating fever. A side note is that these PJ’s that my parents gave me for Christmas are so very accurate this week!

I am grateful that for me Beppe is right again. I will be better before I am 80. But I am thinking of families who are dealing with the flu and are experiencing that it is life-threatening. If you suspect you might have caught the bug, get checked early and take the time you need to recover. It is the best thing you can do for yourself and for others. And this little video viewed my millions says it like it is and has a whole bunch of wisdom as well!

I wonder how parents do it. I am just an aunt and find myself overwhelmed with how quickly my nieces and nephews grow up. How could it have been 22 years ago that Annelise claimed a piece of my heart?

When I knew the little girl here, she was a mystery to me. Like they all are at this age. I see this little girl differently now that I know the woman she is.

Anneliese is a deep thinker, a lover of Jesus and people, comfortable with silence and a radiator of joy. She is fully alive in the great outdoors, has a contagious laugh, is curious and caring and responsible.

Anne has a sense of adventure and courage which we saw in full when she chose to travel the world through YWAM and walk the El Camino trail. As a young girl, she envisioned working on a horse ranch that also helped children.

Guess where she works today?

http://5110youthranch.org/

Her job today is a perfect fit for her passion, her gifts, and her growth. Anne is faithful to God’s work in her heart and making a difference in the lives of those she invests in. I am proud of you Anneliese and love the woman you are today! Thank you for your kindness and interest in my day to day, and I hope you know I will always love you, forever and always! Happy 22nd Birthday!

 

This week has been a week of advocating for one of my dear clients. We began our relationship many years ago, and he has always had a clear mind and a strong voice. Although his ways may not always have seemed logical to others, to him, it has always been clear why he is doing what he is doing.

A few weeks back he was admitted to the hospital, and I was drawn into some of the conversations. I noticed “dementia” on his list of diagnosis. In discussion with the doctors, there was a reference to him not being of sound mind. I could not remain silent and challenged their assumption, as everyone in this conversation was new to him. Although they cordially listened to my challenge, they ordered a neuro-psych evaluation with the full expectation that he would not pass. Two days later I learned he passed with flying colors and he was discharged back to his condo with the freedom to make his decisions and to live his life as he pleases.

He is back in the hospital again, and I am frustrated by the conversations that are repeating. As I have advocated again for him, I heard some of the following from the medical professionals.  Is he really of sound mind? At 90 I would not expect his reasoning to be rational. I can not understand his speech, are you sure his thoughts are clear? I maintain eye contact with these people and remind them that two weeks ago, he passed his neuro-psych with flying colors. I share with them that if they take the time to listen to him, they will hear how clear his thinking is.  I assure them that the more they treat him like he is not clear, he will ensure that they understand that he does have a voice and it works. Often that comes through as resistance and adds to where he is misunderstood.

If you or a loved one are aging, please be willing to have someone alongside who knows your strengths and represents them in spaces you are misunderstood, misdiagnosed or plain overlooked. We have big systems today that are often filled with professionals who are too busy or multitasking and not investing in the relationship of the person who is sharing their space at any given moment.

I am grateful for the opportunity to engage with my clients based on their strengths and join honest conversations about their struggles. I do believe one of the most rewarding spaces I have ever stood is to create the space where an individual, who deserves to be heard, can be heard. I used to think speaking for them was my role. I am grateful to have learned how that is equally disrespectful.

I wonder where you are able to create space for someone else to be heard? I encourage you to look for those opportunities and use your voice just long enough to allow the one you are advocating for to speak.

Oh, this quote fills my heart with a reminder of all that is true. It feels as if in today’s world, we can become paralyzed by the brokenness that surrounds us. I struggle some days to choose hope. Waiting for the world to mend can make us powerless. Waiting for a new president, government funds or a solution to hunger, homelessness, addiction or abuse can cause us to be passive. To merely gather with well-meaning people and discuss the problem is not enough!

I do not want to be passive when it comes to bringing hope. I do not want to settle into the reality that brokenness abounds. I am encouraged that time is not the answer.

Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally!

That decision to live in that manner lies within our own control.

Where are you making this choice?

How are you making this choice?

Yes, make it with those closest to you, but do not limit your love and light to your inner circles. Please, go out and love others and spread the light that offers hope! Do not get lost in discouragement with the condition of our Nation. Bring love and hope to the people you interact with and cross paths with every day. We must choose to love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally! Every person can make a difference.

Love Intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally!

If you are living in darkness, I hope and pray that someone who carries the light will cross your path today. Keep your eyes open for God’s provision of light through people who choose to love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally!

Believe today that the light that you can bring through love can make a difference.

Believe today that the light you can bring through love can bring hope!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wonder whose faces come to your mind when you read this. I love thinking about the faces of my tribe.

I know the faces of my tribe because they have been light in my darkness, hope on my hard days and people who speak the truth and remind me of what is true in kind and loving ways. And they have been more than that. We have shared good food and wine, heartfelt conversations, summer nights and winter blizzards. My Tribe has been with me in the day to day and on the mountain tops and in the valleys!

My Tribe has a core of my family, and yet others have joined my tribe over the years. My tribe has also lost people. However, their faces still come to mind. For me, my tribe reminds me that God created community to give us a taste of heaven. I do not believe a tribe has to be huge, but a tribe does demonstrate a commitment to each other.

There were some years in my life when I did not embrace my tribe. I look back on those years and recognize that I was sorting some things out and instead of relying on the relationships of my people, I began to isolate. Let me tell anyone who is feeling isolated, it is never too late to return and renter. I am so grateful for my journey back and for the beautiful opportunities, I have had to love my tribe hard.

Loving my tribe hard, for me, is about showing up. Showing up in person, in words, in a text, or in sharing a remember when photo even. For me, love is about presence. For you, it may look very different. The beautiful thing about a tribe is that every person brings something unique and what you bring can only be brought by you!

I wonder how strong your tribal ties are today and what you can do to bring strength and goodness to your tribe. Love your tribe hard and let them love you back!

Let me share some of the faces of my tribe with you! It is not my complete tribe, but it is many who I hold very close to my heart!

I enjoy Thursday nights. This is the night that I drive down the highway and walk into the counseling office and visit with courageous individuals who are willing to explore their stories. During the time I sit with my clients, I find myself admiring the journey each person has walked. I am pretty willing to pause someone mid-sentence and ask permission if I can ask more about what was just said. I enjoy prodding with gentle probes to explore aspects of a story that feel neglected or underdeveloped.

I appreciate the tenderness of tentative hearts that know they want something different. I admire the tenacity that bubbles up and commits to the work that is required to find what different might look or feel like. I am grateful for the brave souls who are willing to laugh and cry, explore and live in the tension as their stories unfold, recognizing that rarely if ever, does a story fall neatly into place, honoring structure and order. And so often, I stand in awe of how the discovery work of owning your story creates a longing for more.

I wonder how much time you have spent discovering and owning your story? I know, from the experience that it is one of the most difficult and most rewarding things I have ever done. I was invited to explore so much of who I am, how I behave and what I believe about God, myself and others. Discovering and owning my story freed me up to love God, accept myself and pour my heart out for others. It is the best journey I have ever taken.

Tonight I was reminded of the goodness of team sports. I watched Isaiah’s tournament game, and in some ways, it was basketball at it’s best. Our team won, which is always fun, but that is not what made tonight sweet.

There is always something sweet about the opening prayer at the start of these games.

And then it is the moments when they are playing their hearts out, giving high five’s, helping each other up from the floor after a dive is made for the ball or encouraging each other after missed shots that inspire my soul.

Tonight there was a moment when a boy on our team shot to the wrong basket and made it. His eyes welled with tears, and I could feel the shame that filled his body. He struggled for the next number of plays. Up and down the court I could see his red cheeks and his watery eyes. He was trying to shake it off.

And in that, the kids kept playing. They rallied around him with a pat on the back and a word or two that seemed to say you’re ok,  but they did not rescue him. They engaged his shame and did not let the shame win. The coaches left him in the game, the plays continued, and in time, this young fellow was back and entirely present.

The game was fun, the kids played hard, but most impactful to me was watching the kids engage one boy’s shame with kindness, truth, and love.

I wonder what you do when you feel shame. Do you stay in the game and press on? Does your face express honestly what you are feeling and do you allow your friends to remind you of what is true? I believe that as we grow older, we learn to hide our emotions and shame. Tonight reminded me of the goodness of being young and engaging in the good spaces and in the difficult spaces.

I am thankful for that sweet blonde boy who so innocently made a basket for the other team. It gave me a picture once again of living life honestly in the presence of peers and receiving the love that a community of friends can offer.

 

Today while Heather and I worked we listened to the live news feed of the Larry Nassar courtroom. It has been a while since I have felt such intense conflicting emotions in my heart all at the same time.

I felt horror at the details shared by these brave and courageous girls and women. The magnitude of specific details I heard in an hours time caused me to feel nauseous and want to scream for the torment this man inflicted on these girls.

I felt rage at how our institutional systems allow for the cover-up of such horrific events over such an extended period of time. I value institutions and institutional loyalty, but when the people who serve the community go silent and allow criminal acts to go unaddressed, it is difficult for me to honor the institution in any way. It is my hope, prayer and deep commitment to ensuring that I am always willing to speak the truth and advocate for what is right for the many communities I am a part of.

I felt gratitude and admiration for Judge Rosemarie Aquilina who has created space for so many women to find their voice and face their abuser. I am amazed at the capacity of her heart and all it is holding. I admire her for the way she is responding to every story spoken with words and spirit. To hear and respond to 100+ stories of harm requires her full attention and I have begun to pray for her daily. Perhaps she can bring her amazing gifts of truth and grace to our judicial system in other places in Michigan as well.

And I was amazed at the courage, clarity, and passion that exuded from every woman who spoke. From their ability to address their abuser, look him in the eye, talk with crisp words and still hold their vulnerability in their tears and honesty. I was reminded about the power that comes when one person begins to share honestly. It is an invitation of sorts, to others, to join in and unite. When people gather to share their most significant pain and in that identify their amazing strength, a bond is formed that overpowers evil and brings beauty from ashes.

And so, as I end this day, my heart aches for the ways so many women have been affected by this one man’s evil ways. And yet I marvel at how through their stories, they are declaring a commitment to continue on their journey of healing and to protect young children from this day forward.

We live in a broken world and are faced every day with a decision on how we will live. Let us live with a willingness to move into each other’s pain, sorrow, tears, and grief, believing that shared pain lightens the load and creates space for love, joy, purpose, and peace!

 

Yesterday I looked at my Delta app and it told me how many days until my next trip.

Today I looked again.

It is not that I couldn’t remember how many days it was, but there is something motivating to see the days diminish, one day at a time. There is something I so enjoy
about the anticipation of something good.

Today was a gray day. The winter thunderstorm was impressive only for a few moments and then it was damp and cold. There is something good on days like today to have something to look forward to.

I know I can’t always have a trip planned, but I have incorporated looking forward to something into my personal motivational plan. It might be a scheduled massage or a day away with a friend. It might be trip or even just a day of biking. Honestly, some days I focus on how much I am looking forward to Spring. I believe the greatest benefit that has come from the discipline of looking forward to something is how it keeps my thoughts and energy going in a positive direction.

I wonder if you have something you are looking forward to?