I have wanted to write for a long time. If only I could download my thoughts, there would be three blogs a day. But tonight it feels clear to me what the words will be as they travel from my thoughts, through my fingers, for my eyes (and your eyes) to read.
I woke up thinking about uncertain times. They seem to surround every bit of our being these days. But today’s uncertain times is not where my thoughts started. This morning I woke up thinking how two years ago to this date we entered uncertain times. It was two years ago tonight that my Dad had a seizure. We stood in the ER as the Doc, who spoke with clarity and compassion, but also matter of factness and in somewhat of a sterile way, told us he had a mass in his brain. The hours that followed he was transferred to Butterworth Neurology and admitted for further testing. What I remember most in those initial hours is how we stood together, my Dad had perspective and humor, my Mom’s strength was evident and their commitment to one another was strong. We called Nick who was traveling and he offered to come right home. We had a sense we had a tough road ahead but we had no idea that the road would be only 7 weeks long.
I went to bed that night two years ago and journaled the following:
Lord, you knew we would be here and I know you will remain with us. I am not sure what we will need, but you will provide. I am not sure what you want us to learn, but I trust you will be a gentle teacher. Please Jesus abide with us in the days ahead. Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.
Tonight I am listening to a Sara Groves live concert as I blog and she is closing the night with Abide with me. I am reminded of God’s grace, goodness and presence in difficult times.
Tonight I feel a deep gnawing ache as I remember the feelings of unknown looming ahead of us two years ago. My Dad spoke with confidence and assurance in the days of diagnosis, decisions, and uncertainty. He did not lose all he was assured of, even on hard days.
Tonight I feel a heightened anxiety as I consider the feelings that surround the looming unknowns that face us today. COVID-19 brings so many questions and I can’t help but wonder how close to home will the devastation be felt? And yet I am reminded that we have walked in uncertain times before. I would guess we all have.
I miss my Dad every day. Sometimes it is his presence, his voice, his pipe, his laughter, his silence, his singing, his preaching, his wisdom. I would like to know what he would say about our current state of affairs. He is not hear to speak into it and yet I hear his voice, his message was consistent and clear. Be the Church, live in Unity, care for one another, show up and never forget that God is still on His throne.
I want to live assured of all I do know. I want to hang onto God’s goodness and provision in difficult times. I want to hold the song in my heart: Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.
Blessed Be His Name