From shattered to aching…

sweet brotherI remember typing my post as if it was yesterday….

Our hearts are shattered

There were not many other words to put with it one year ago. Len was killed in a car accident, gone, no warning, no good byes…

And we began to wonder how would we live through the next moments, hours and days….

And somehow, in the fog of shock and grief, we put one step in front of the other and moved through a time that felt paralyzing.

It is so hard to believe it was one year ago.

Tonight we gathered

To be together.

To remember,

To honor Len’s life and

To marvel at God’s presence over the last year.

 

We can not deny, It has been a difficult journey….

A journey of wondering and searching and struggling with many why questions. Texting often with my sweet sister-in-law and their four kids about the intensity of grief when there are a lot of Dad’s at soccer games or it is prom night and Len would be so proud. Feeling the depth of the ache when they are trying to have a family dinner, but the sting of loss zaps well intended joy. It has been a hard year.

And so tonight, there was 29 of us in a smallish house on Sylvan. We had cheeseburgers, cause Sonta knew that is what her Daddy would have grilled. Len’s memory video Remembering Len looped on and some watched in passing while others stood and watched with intention and purpose. We have learned that everyone grieves differently and there is great kindness IMG_0929in allowing those closest to you the freedom to grieve in their own way. We went to Reeds Lake and sent Chinese lanterns to Len. There were stories shared and laughter and tears were abundant in any given moment, but we shared honest space, and Len’s life was honored. And tonight, in our grief, I believe God was glorified.

We don’t have many answers and we don’t have any magical healing salve, but we have each other and we have learned in this past year, that our hearts have somehow, through God’s grace, gone from shattered to aching. Our family was changed when we lost a member. We do not live every moment in the shadow of death. We laugh, we enjoy each other, we dream, we hope and we ache. Thank you family and friends for journeying with us this past year. God’s provision has been evident through the prayers and participation of His people. We are aching and grateful! We can only imagine but we remember Len with grateful hearts, for the 48 years he was with us!

 

 

 

 

 

Author: trishborgdorff

I am on a life long journey to live with integrity, honesty, kindness and full of grace.

5 thoughts on “From shattered to aching…”

  1. I remember getting the message from you last year, early in the morning. It has been such a year for you and for your dear family. You have grieved well Trish, and there is a beauty to how you have continued to steps forward, slowly and tenderly. Thank you for sharing your heart with us again in this post.

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  2. Trish…
    My brand new daughter-in-law lost her 32 year old sister a year ago in a sudden car accident as well. We have been privledged to witness her family’s journey of deep loss and deep faith as they have walked this road…and at times simply being carried by our compassionate Savior! Thanks for sharing your heart and your journey…we’ll keep praying ❤

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  3. Trish, I didn’t know you last year, but it has been a privilege to get to know you these last months… Thank you for sharing your heart and your families journey… praying for you all….

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  4. One of the most articulate expressions of the evolution of grief that I have ever read. Oh that all families shared such moments in such an open, healthy way. You are teaching the next generations those lessons that even most wise elders have not had the knowledge or coyrage to face and tackle straight away. Applause.

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