Day: December 30, 2012

I believe one of the hardest things to do in all of this is to walk away….

I was gripped with sadness tonight as I stood at the casket knowing the time of “being with” Len is drawing to a close.

The next 24 hours give me the hard to breathe kind of feeling….

To think about walking away is almost more than I can bear…

And yet I envision faces and feel hugs and know that we do not walk this journey alone….brokenness

And so tonight in the walking away I felt the sobs overtake my body and I was embraced by my Mom in all of her own …

I know there are bright spots in the tragedy in the faces, the words, the prayers, the embrace…

But in many ways the tragedy still feels bigger…

I know the lights will continue to shine brighter and in time the light will shine brighter…in time…yes in time….

As a family we  have been talking about this analogy that my sister had recently read on a blog she reads….

This is how my sister wrote about it….

If the grace of God is a net that saves us from the darkest, most hopeless places, then all of you are the edge-holders. You are allowing all of us to sit in the middle and be held for a while. Someday, we will get our legs under us again and make our way back to the edges. We will be better edge holders because of what we learned from you. I cannot thank you enough – this community of people we know that spans the world has been a bright spot in a very dark time.

I wonder if you have ever had edge holders in your life….

I wonder if you know how it feels to be saved from the darkest and most hopeless places…..

I wonder if you know how it feels to be an edge holder…

This week we are sitting in the middle of the net.

The edges feel far away and yet no matter where I turn, I see the faces and feel the strength of our edge holders….

I want to be a better edge holder as a result of this experience, Len would want us to return to holding the edges….

But not quite yet…..

Going to bed tonight thankful for the grace of God and the community of believers who surround us, love us and carry us through this very difficult time!