I saw Shadowlands last week. Master Arts put on an excellent play. It reminded me again why I admire CS Lewis. In High School, we had to read Mere Christianity. I did not appreciate his writings then, but since then, some 38 years later, I often find myself reflecting on quotes from CS Lewis.
The other day, I wrote about joy. Today, I have grief in my heart. As my niece is only two weeks away from her wedding day, I feel the absence of my brother, her father, who died in 2012. We have all adjusted in the day-to-day, but then I think of this..“Her/his absence is like the sky, spread over everything.”― A Grief Observed . It is true, we have adjusted, but his absence is always present. Grief changes us. It does not destroy us, but yes, it changes us!
I am aware that in these two weeks before the wedding, I will do my grief work so the day of the wedding, my heart will not be conflicted with the ache of loss. I will miss Len and his absence will be felt in so many spaces. AND, I want to be fully present in the Joy of Olivia and Sam. If there are moments of grief for them, I want to be with them in their grief, but it feels important for me to give my grief care before the big day!
Being honest about the absence of Len and the grief provoked AND celebrating with my whole heart the joy of the marriage established is something that my heart can hold, and for that, I am grateful!
Grief also presents itself in how I watch our daily events unfold. How we engage one another and how Christians are perceived (some for very good reason) in our world today grieves my soul. This grief feels heavy, and I am tempted to check out, but I must remind myself to keep engaged. I believe many of us are being challenged to the degree of what we stand for and why. CS Lewis says: It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you merely use it to cord a box. But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn’t you then first discover how much you really trusted it?
Perhaps in this season of life I am being challenged to discover at a deeper level what and who I really trust. It can feel heavy and at times it is. Reality is hard, division is real and having to face the question of how to have a healthy and honest relationship with friends and family, knowing not everything needs to be said but more importantly, being wise about what is and isn’t shared. I pray that in the spaces we share, we will be thoughtful people about how we share our heartfelt convictions.
And in these spaces of question and uncertainty, I miss my Dad, who died in May of 2018. I would like one more conversation, but who am I fooling? I want more of them about all that is unfolding in our world, our community, and my heart. He was a fierce advocate for the Belhar confession, and this confession resonates with me as I know how we are called to face injustice. I miss him for many more reasons, but I miss his voice, wisdom, leadership, and confidence in moving into these spaces that surround us, especially in those spaces right now.
As I go to worship today, I am reminded that God is with us and among us and is still on His throne. He invites my joy and holds my grief. As C.S. Lewis so rightly says, “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”
Be tender with your grief today,
❤️ Trish
Len, father of the bride, will be missed but his spirit will be felt and cherished I am certain. Somewhat painful but the memories of a wonderful parent will permeate. We were good friends of Len and Marcia in our church in Burke VA. Olivia was a young girl. May the wedding be joyful!!