Checking in….

I am a person who enjoys checking-in….a quick hello, a conversation about nothing or something, a shared giggle or laughter till tears flow, a moment of shared pain that leads to tears and a hug, a wave while driving past, an instant message chat or a phone conversation between visits in a day…there are many ways I check-in throughout the week and I enjoy almost every encounter I have.

Now, I have to admit  that I have had to learn the value of not always moving onto the next checking-in moment. I have learned the value of putting my phone down, leaving my keys on the counter, kicking off my shoes and staying a while. I am grateful that in the journey to my heart I have had good friends who have invited me to stay awhile and to learn that checking-in can lead to great conversations and shared moments that don’t happen on the run. I hope you have moments like this…moments that feel life-giving and refreshing…moments that are sometimes planned but at times they just unfold….when your checking-in!

With that little bit of context, you can imagine I was excited to see that some of my Facebook friends were using a new FB feature that allowed them to check-in. I learned how to do it and started to check-in. Trish Borgdorff is now at Visiting Angels. Trish Borgdorff is now home. Trish Borgdorff is now at MVP Sportsplex….I took time each place I went to check-in….and you know, today, I thought, has this gone to far? Really, is it necessary for me to tell my FB world where I am at all times….and maybe the underlying questions are does anyone care or does it make a bit of difference to anyone?

I enjoy the world of Face Book, but some of what I read makes my heart ache…things are posted that I hope are being shared with a friend, in a home, with face-to-face contact as opposed to posted via Face Book. That is likely a topic for another day, but for today, it has become clear that I don’t need to share where I am at all times. Now, you might see me check-in somewhere in South Africa but as to my day-to-day comings and goings….if you want to hear about those…let’s go to coffee!

The two day ache…

Today was a day I felt every muscle in my glutes, hip flexors, quads, hamstrings and all the muscles that surround and support those areas on this body of mine. You see on Monday I worked out with Abby and she had me doing these squats and lunges. I was pretty proud of myself an hour after my workout. My thoughts included, “Wow, I did it!”,  “it feels good to work out”, and “maybe those squats weren’t as bad as I thought.” Today my thoughts were different….

I wonder if you can you relate, the ache deep in your muscles, the deep ache you feel as you approach a set of stairs or the feeling that surely the toilet seat wasn’t that low yesterday when you sat on it. I felt like the simple movements of my day were interrupted by the reminder of my body…..

And then I begin to think about how the ache kept my goal of wellness and physical fitness in focus today. The ache reminded me of my journey and my desired destination. The ache motivated me to keep moving (even if it was a bit slower) and the ache was a vivid reminder that if I had worked out alone, I likely would not experience the same ache or the same benefit….

I am relieved to know my muscles will likely feel better tomorrow but the two-day ache experience has challenged me to think about what my heart aches for. The journey to my heart is not all kind words and warm fuzzies. The intense ache in my body is also a familiar feeling of my heart. I have recently ached for the people of Haiti, for tragic stories in our local news. for couples who sit in silence and emptiness in relationship and for children who are being missed by parents who are busy serving their Churches and Communities. I have ached in my own heart over words I have spoken or not spoken or attitudes I have carried in a moment or throughout a day.

I want to be aware of the aches of my heart and tend to the ache with kindness. To seek out a friend or confidant so I can share a bit about what brought the ache to the forefront and what it might need to resolve…sometimes my heart aches need truth, sometimes love, sometimes grace, sometimes understanding and sometimes conversation. Sometimes I need to be alone and wonder about God and His place in the ache and other times it is good to sit with a friend and gain insight and understanding.

I hope today I can listen and learn from the twinges of aching I feel in my heart….I hope you also might learn from what makes your heart ache…for I am learning that often when I take time to be curious, to listen and to share in community, I find God in places I did not even think to look….and that in itself makes aching worthwhile!

Time is a funny thing….age is funnier!

Lately I have been wondering how I should feel at 40. It felt like such a milestone, but somehow I often find myself wondering if this is what 40 is supposed to feel like. I am not as fit or physically playful as I would like to be. Stay tuned for my plans to change that in the coming months! I work less than in my 20’s and 30’s but still get a solid full-time work week in, so that is very forty like. I don’t quite cook like I would think a 40-year-old should, but that is coming along also. I value my family and my friends and delight in my relationships so that feels somewhat right at 40…It is not as fun or exciting to buy a car or computer as in my 20’s and 30’s, but there is also more value in saving or at least in spending less….so that feels somewhat 40ish! The more I think about this being forty, the more I realize that age is a funny thing….

I remember my first job out of Calvin at Sunshine Community Church as Director of Children’s Ministries when there were hundreds of kids every week for children’s Worship, Cadets, Gems, Bible Studies and Rap groups (rap as in conversation not rhythm) Do you know that there are still times I think I see one of “my Sunshine Kids”, but the problem is that they are still the age I remember them between 1991 and 1998. Then I read on Facebook how so many of them are married, having kids and enjoying life in all of its fullness. When I envision the faces of the many kids and families who I loved being with at Sunshine, I realize time is a funny thing….

I read about my HighSchool classmates who have kids going off to college this week and have kids getting married and I am struck by the fact that if I had married and had children, I could be approaching (ok, maybe ten years) a grandmother age. I laugh out loud because that seems so different from what I feel….and I realize that there have been definite moments in my life where I have longed to be married and enjoy a family, but it has not come to be. Today I just smile as I think of the many phases of life a family brings…I wonder if watching children grow and age also in some fashion would make me feel more my age. And then I think, age really is a funny thing…..

I am sometimes surprised the great gang who call me Aunt Trish haven’t made me feel older.My niece Janneke is starting her senior year in high school. It seems like just yesterday we got the call of her birth! I remember when, at two years of age, she would bellow out Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. Janneke has grown up and matured but still has the same joyful heart, loves to sing and lives life with a spring in her step and a smile on her face. When I think of each of my nieces and nephews, I am grateful time has a way of standing still. That I feel as full of love and delight for them with each passing day….it never grows old to be an Aunt….being an Aunt is a WONDERFUL thing…

And so, on the journey to my heart,  I often feel ageless…living life in the moment, remembering yesterday with crystal clarity and yearning for tomorrow to see what surprises will come my way. I can clearly identify the ways I have changed during my ageless life. Where I have matured, how I see things differently, where life is less about right and wrong and more about respect and understanding. I remember the moments when I understood Grace because it was offered to me and how much kinder of a person I became when I also learned how to offer Grace….I am grateful I am in the process of change and do not feel stuck….

I wonder where you have felt ageless…what marks for you the passing years. Do you feel the age you are….are there moments that seem just like yesterday in your heart but when you process through your head you realize it really was quite some time ago. I am grateful that the journey to my heart is more about people and places and the faces of those we have journeyed with than about the number of days in a year or the number of years we are! I would rather say I live life to the fullest than I act my age! wouldn’t you?

Welcome to my journey….

The haunting thought of blogging has nagged at my head and heart for a few years. I have started a few and never stayed with it. I am not sure why since I love to write. Writing helps me to sort through my thoughts and it is my hope it will also inspire you to think and wonder and dream and imagine.

I knew pretty quickly what I wanted to call my blog. I have really come to believe that everyday is a journey to my heart. I used to think I would find it and then be free to camp there….in the land of heart. I realize now that everyday I encounter people and conversations that lead me closer or lure me away. I make choices everyday to take a step closer to my heart or to stay right where I am….and even at times I pull up camp and move further away.

I believe that if I choose to continue on my journey, living honestly and faithfully on that journey, I don’t have to spend a lot of energy searching for peace and meaning and purpose. When I am journeying to my heart I am amazingly less concerned about myself and more concerned about others, I am at peace in a way that offers true contentment and I am aware of my dignity and depravity.

When I am journeying to my heart in my day-to-day, I am touched by others and conversations and relationships are enhanced. I am not sure I have the words to explain how it feels to be living on the road that leads to my heart….it is more about experiences….experiences that will comprise the content of this blog….after all it is all about the journey and the experiences along the way!

And so the haunting thought of blogging has been transformed into an invitation to share my story, the chapters of my day-to-day and the important characters who join me on this journey. I hope you come back to check in. I just might have a chapter about you!