Do you ever have them?
Days when most things feel hard?
Days when it isn’t just about an attitude adjustment, but when everything feels big?
I woke up feeling conflicted about how to support my dear friend at the funeral for her 58-year-old brother-in-law. I wanted to be there fully for her and I knew it would bring sadness to my own heart as well in my own grief. I came to the conclusion through some journaling that I am glad I understand and I hate that I understand. It is just that simple and that complex.
I received a call from my Credit Card company about suspicious activity. My purse had been stolen in the night and two cards maxed out. I felt dumb for leaving my purse in the car, I knew even if it was dumb, it wasn’t my fault that someone stole it. I was grateful that credit card companies do not hold me liable and I was annoyed with the process of canceling and waiting two weeks for reissuing. It is a tiring process and yet I am grateful my day allowed me to take the time I needed to do it.
I went to Secretary of State to replace my license and was told to come back with lots of documents that prove my identity. Annoyed I have to prove my identity and grateful there is process’ that ensure identity theft does not occur. I had to call and cancel my passport (since I had just returned from Canada yesterday evening) and was annoyed that to get a new one would cost me 110 dollars. Late in the day, my neighbor came and had my purse. She found it in her yard. My wallet was gone, but my passport was there. I called to cancel my cancellation and found that is not possible. And some how it feels even more disturbing to pay 110 for a passport I already have. But on the flip side, I can be so grateful they did not take it and use it for identity theft.
It felt very odd today to have no wallet, no access to funds, no immediate cash available and I felt a sense of angst. And then I remember lots of people live in this reality every day and I take for granted all I have available to me.
It was a long day full of conflicting emotion. I remain grateful but tired. I am thankful that His mercies are new every morning and tomorrow will bring a freshness that I crave.
And at the end of the day we had family dinner. It has become one of my favorite things. It is fun, relaxed, good company and always good conversation. Tonight we celebrated my Mom’s birthday a little early. I was reminded during family dinner that I have much to be grateful for. I was reminded that at the end of a long day, rest can come in the relationships I am surrounded with. I am going to bed glad that today is over, but grateful for the reminder that it is not in what I own or have access to that makes my heart content, but who surrounds me. I am at peace!
And today woiuld have been Len and Marcia’s anniversary. I must write to her. What you wrote all makes so much sense- annoyance- tiredness- and then still gratitude for what we have left.
Thank you so much… you are so right… so many conflicting emotions existing at the same time… long days, hard days… resting… all the same things the Lord is saying to me… come unto me all you who are weary & heavy laden… I will give you rest… the rest of the Lord is so different than my own… thanks again for sharing yourself…
! reminded me of when my Sam’s Club Card was stolen – I as also grateful that Sam’s Club called ME to tell me of suspicious purchases on the card! It took awhile to straighten it all out, and I decided to remove the capability of charging from my card, but you word so well the feelings that surround events like that! You are a blessing, Trish!