I have learned over this last year about the tension of holding two conflicting emotions in the same space in my heart and learning to give space to both….
I find this to be one of the most difficult spaces to create…
Often I believe we want to make room for what is most socially acceptable and squelch the emotion or feeling that feels like an unwelcome guest…
It seems I continue to encounter people who are facing conflicting emotions this holiday season….
I wonder how you embrace conflicting emotions in your own heart….
I wonder how you embrace conflicting emotions in the lives of those you love….
I wonder how you embrace conflicting emotions when a friend or acquaintance shares this tension…
I have found that acknowledging that you hear both is a very kind response:
I hear that during this season of Joy your heart also holds a lot of grief
I want to let you know that I understand the tension of both enjoying and dreading the holidays…
I admire your ability to acknowledge that you still grieve your loss after all the years and delight in watching your family celebrate….
As I have gotten older, I have a greater understanding and sensitivity to the tensions many (myself included) will feel in the coming week. When I began to share that recently with a friend, that I am aware of my own anxiety during the holidays, she said, but I thought you enjoyed Christmas and your family.
Yes, I do enjoy Christmas and my family and yes I will have more anxiety than normal in the coming weeks. A change in routine, the tension of maintaining a good food routine and the reality of having caregivers on the road during winter and snow (maybe) and holidays all contribute. But yes, I hold conflicting emotions often and I would guess some of you may understand this in some way…
I hope you will take time to be aware and kind to all your heart holds in the next 10 days….
Trish, even this morning Richard and I are walking with grief journey with a dear friend and this expresses so well the big A word (besides, A buse…….Ambivalence!) Have a blessed holy-day! our love, B & R
Wow – reading backward through your wonderful posts -through the memories, through the sorrow, and through hearts of Christmas hope and joy in a dark world – to find a few days before your big journey of Sorrow and Joy, you wrote about it. May the Prince of peace continue to embrace you and your family.