Lately I have been wondering how I should feel at 40. It felt like such a milestone, but somehow I often find myself wondering if this is what 40 is supposed to feel like. I am not as fit or physically playful as I would like to be. Stay tuned for my plans to change that in the coming months! I work less than in my 20’s and 30’s but still get a solid full-time work week in, so that is very forty like. I don’t quite cook like I would think a 40-year-old should, but that is coming along also. I value my family and my friends and delight in my relationships so that feels somewhat right at 40…It is not as fun or exciting to buy a car or computer as in my 20’s and 30’s, but there is also more value in saving or at least in spending less….so that feels somewhat 40ish! The more I think about this being forty, the more I realize that age is a funny thing….
I remember my first job out of Calvin at Sunshine Community Church as Director of Children’s Ministries when there were hundreds of kids every week for children’s Worship, Cadets, Gems, Bible Studies and Rap groups (rap as in conversation not rhythm) Do you know that there are still times I think I see one of “my Sunshine Kids”, but the problem is that they are still the age I remember them between 1991 and 1998. Then I read on Facebook how so many of them are married, having kids and enjoying life in all of its fullness. When I envision the faces of the many kids and families who I loved being with at Sunshine, I realize time is a funny thing….
I read about my HighSchool classmates who have kids going off to college this week and have kids getting married and I am struck by the fact that if I had married and had children, I could be approaching (ok, maybe ten years) a grandmother age. I laugh out loud because that seems so different from what I feel….and I realize that there have been definite moments in my life where I have longed to be married and enjoy a family, but it has not come to be. Today I just smile as I think of the many phases of life a family brings…I wonder if watching children grow and age also in some fashion would make me feel more my age. And then I think, age really is a funny thing…..
I am sometimes surprised the great gang who call me Aunt Trish haven’t made me feel older.My niece Janneke is starting her senior year in high school. It seems like just yesterday we got the call of her birth! I remember when, at two years of age, she would bellow out Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. 
Janneke has grown up and matured but still has the same joyful heart, loves to sing and lives life with a spring in her step and a smile on her face. When I think of each of my nieces and nephews, I am grateful time has a way of standing still. That I feel as full of love and delight for them with each passing day….it never grows old to be an Aunt….being an Aunt is a WONDERFUL thing…
And so, on the journey to my heart, I often feel ageless…living life in the moment, remembering yesterday with crystal clarity and yearning for tomorrow to see what surprises will come my way. I can clearly identify the ways I have changed during my ageless life. Where I have matured, how I see things differently, where life is less about right and wrong and more about respect and understanding. I remember the moments when I understood Grace because it was offered to me and how much kinder of a person I became when I also learned how to offer Grace….I am grateful I am in the process of change and do not feel stuck….
I wonder where you have felt ageless…what marks for you the passing years. Do you feel the age you are….are there moments that seem just like yesterday in your heart but when you process through your head you realize it really was quite some time ago. I am grateful that the journey to my heart is more about people and places and the faces of those we have journeyed with than about the number of days in a year or the number of years we are! I would rather say I live life to the fullest than I act my age! wouldn’t you?
You really are an amazing person with wonders in your herat. I love you Auntie Trish!! 😀
And Karolyn Anne, I love you to! I love the wonders in your heart to! Write on my dear niece….
You seem so “in tune” with yourself and I still feel like I could say “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up”….even though a lot of days I feel “old”….I will hopefully be able to use your blog and gain some insight into my own self and my own soul. Thanks Trish!
Sheri,
The tuning process of my soul took a lot of time and a lot of community. I am grateful for my journey and do believe God will be faithful to you in your journey as well. It is fun to be connected again. After all, it seems like just yesterday we were at Holland Christian.
There is a saying that “you don’t stop playing becauase you are older, you get old when you stop playing”…or something like that. I firmly believe you are only as “old” as you lead yourself to believe. Playing and dancing around the yard with Kiddoo and RooBee is fun – good thing we live out in the country as close neighbors might inhibit our fun.